To Lose and To Find
by notimefortime
Summary: Sookie loses the love of her life when her husband is murdered. Little does she know that vampires exist and that her husband isn't actually gone for good. Sookie is not a telepath, just a woman nursing a broken heart. And Eric? Well... AU/ Slight OOC
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris. **

**a.n: This is a re-post of chapter 1. I realized _after _I posted it the first time that there was no visible break between time frames. I apologize for the alerts that you got for nothing :(  
**

'_I am never going to be the same again.' _

"I'm so sorry, Sooks." My brother Jason sobbed as he pulled me into a hug shaking me loose from my reverie. I backed away enough to look into his eyes. I could see the ache, the ache he felt for my loss and for his own. Not 2 minutes before Eric Northman had been lowered 6 feet into the ground. He was Jason's best friend and my husband of 2 years.

"What am I going to do without him, Jase?" I shook my head in an attempt to coerce an answer out of my brother that would make me feel better, make me feel whole again.

"I don't know, Sookie. I just don't know." Jason pulled me tight once again as we cried together.

**2 years later...**

"Okay, who gets the burger basket with extra pickles?" I smiled at the table of men in front of me.

Jason rolled his eyes and reached for the basket. I laughed and handed out the rest of the food to Jason's motley crew.

"Why do you do that _every time_, Sook? You know it's mine" He shook his head as he emptied about half of the bottle of ketchup onto his fries.

"Habit, I guess. Or, I just like annoying you." I winked at Hoyt Fortenberry, Jason's friend and subordinate at the Renard Parish road crew. My wink had the desired effect as Hoyt blushed a bright shade of tomato red. I know I shouldn't tease but Hoyt makes it too easy. Plus, he knows it doesn't mean anything. Flirting with Hoyt is just good clean fun. It's safe and I don't have to worry about him thinking there is anything more to it. Anyone else may take it as an invitation to something more. But I don't give out invitations, I don't date at all.

This coming Sunday will mark the two year anniversary of Eric's death. He'd been attacked on his way home from work. No one knew why or who had done it. There wasn't enough money in the local budget to do the type of investigation that I thought Eric deserved. So after a year of zero leads the case was put on a shelf. That day had almost been as bad as the night I lost him. I felt like I was the only one that cared and I was helpless to do anything. All I knew about the crime that essentially ended my life as well as Eric's was that it was the most brutal crime Bon Temps had seen in years. Andy Bellefleur, the main sheriff on the case, talked me out of needing to know the more gruesome details. But apparently, he had no problem talking to the town gossips and some of the information had filtered its way down to me and Jason. What I knew, or at least what was said was that Eric had extensive damage to his neck and jugular and that he bled to death. There were also signs of a struggle so he was pretty battered and bruised over most of his body. He even had some broken bones. That told me that he tried to stay with me. He did everything he could to fight off his attacker but it wasn't enough. But he didn't want to go, he wanted to live and I felt a sense of peace knowing that.

"Yeah, you've always had a knack for annoying me little sister." Jason smiled and turned his attention to his ketchup with fries. He is so disgusting.

I feel guilty about not being there for Jason when he needed me. Granted, Eric was the love of my life and I wasn't in any shape to be able to comfort anyone but Jason sure had needed someone. I wish I'd reached out. Instead Jason turned all of his hurt and emotions in on himself and changed. He was still his fun jovial self but he started acting reckless, drinking and sleeping with any woman that would have him. On the outside it looks like he is living the high life but I know Jason. He's hurting. He's spent a night or ten the local jail sleeping off his nights of heavy drinking. And I've seen the bottles of antibiotics that liter his medicine cabinet. I haven't come out and asked him but I know that he caught some sort of sex cooties from that damn Maudette Pickens. And a couple of months ago he had to take Amy Burly to the free clinic to 'fix' a growing problem in her womb.

I love Jason with all of my heart, but I just don't know how to help him. Sometimes I think he always had a tendency to live his life like this but Eric was able to keep Jason from the brink. Eric was the best friend that Jason ever had and no one, even sweet Hoyt, has what it would take to pull Jason out of his new lifestyle. I think the worst part about the change in Jason is that as much living as he is doing he lost his spark. I did too. People used to say that the Stackhouse children had the liveliest blue eyes in all of Renard Parish and that one look from either of us could make even mean old Caroline Bellefluer smile. That's not the case anymore. In fact, most people avoid our gaze altogether. I guess they can't stand to see the spark missing or maybe we just make them sad to think of what we lost. And what we lost was the best import from Sweden since IKEA and ABBA put together, by far.

8888888

Eric Johan Northman stormed into our lives when Jase was 10 and I was 7. One that wonderful day I was playing with Barbie on the front porch making her do all kinds of kissy face with Ken when Jase came home with a very tall and very skinny boy trudging behind him.

"_Hey Sook, this is Eric, he's my new best friend." _

Jason was grinning like a fool and Eric just bobbed his head at me as he followed my dork of a brother into our house. That was the first time I saw Eric and I kid you not I saw him everyday without fail after that. Him and Jason were stuck like glue and as I grew up a bit I stuck myself right to him too.

At first I felt the same about Eric as I did about Jason. He was fun to hang around but at times he drove me crazy mad. I was used to Jason picking on me but once Eric entered the picture I endured countless acts of humiliation at the hands of the two of them. I lost so many Barbie dolls that first year. I had no idea there were so many ways to destroy a plastic doll but the two of them became masters. Over the years Jason stayed just as annoying as he ever was but somehow Eric became less so. I don't know when it happened but one day I was irritated by him and the next day I wanted him to kiss me like my Ken doll kissed my Malibu Barbie.

I secretly crushed on Eric for years. I was convinced that I should never tell him, so I didn't. I mean he was 3 years older than me and so freaking cute. And it was just weird. It was Eric: the destroyer of Barbie's, the slinger of snowballs, and flicker of boogers. And even though those acts of torture had ceased years before I was positive he just saw me as Jason's annoying little sister. I know Jason felt that way about me and he and Eric all but shared a brain. So I suffered my crush in silence as my friends fawned over Eric and sought out my help in garnering his attention. I did so a few times out of fear that my refusal would set off alarms. Needless to say I helped Tara Thornton score a date with Eric to his Jr. prom. That was the night that Eric lost his virginity. Knowing that I helped facilitate that resulted in my last set-up of Eric with any of my friends. And even though Tara had no idea of how I felt about Eric it resulted in the eventual end of our friendship too. I just couldn't handle hearing about her new boyfriend. So I just kind of started to avoid her, not that she probably noticed since she spent most of her time with Eric anyways. She would even come over to the house with him sometimes to hang out with Jason. Those few months were definitely not the highlight of my teenage years.

After Eric and Jason graduated from Bon Temps High School my life got a little easier. Jase got a job with the road crew since he didn't do so well grade-wise. Eric left for Baton Rouge go to Louisiana State for school and as much as I missed him it was so much easier to live day to day without having to see him. Of course, he came home for every break and holiday and would spend the majority of his time with us at the house. He was one of the Stackhouse's as far as my mom and dad were concerned. They loved him so much and he loved them too. It's not like he didn't love his own family but they weren't as close as the Stackhouse clan was. I think Eric just liked feeling like a part of a family that didn't shy away from showing their love.

That's why he left LSU right in the middle of his semester to be with Jason and me when our parents were killed in a flash flood. They were driving home from one of their weekly dinner and a movie dates when the bridge they were on collapsed. Jason and I were torn up with grief. And I know Eric was too. But he was there for us as a rock to lean on. He actually helped Jason and I plan the funeral and sort out all of the business that no one wants to deal with during that time. It was sometime during the weeks after the death of my parents that I realized I was desperately in love with Eric. We were sitting in the living room watching 'The Jerk'. Eric insisted that I needed to laugh and that was the movie to do it. He was right, I laughed and it felt good. During one particular bout of laughter I looked over to Eric to see him looking back at me. He wasn't laughing. He looked like he was holding back tears.

'_I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you, Sookie.'_

I was shocked into silence. What did he mean? Did he really care that much about me? Was I not just the annoying little sister of his best friend? It was too much for me to comprehend at the moment so I just turned back to the movie and laughed some more.

Our parents' house went to Jason and since I was only 17 at the time I stayed there with him while I finished high school. Eric headed back to LSU but something was different with him. He wasn't as playful with me anymore and I was so confused. He would hardly even speak to me unless Jason was in the room. I felt awful, I knew that I had lost him somehow. I was a wreck my senior year but I managed to graduate despite the depression I was in due to the loss of my parents. And if I was being honest with myself I was depressed over the loss of the old Eric as well.

I told Jason that I didn't want to walk at graduation but he insisted. I'm glad he did because when I looked out to the crowd I saw Eric sitting next to Jase and the look of pride on both of their faces made my whole senior year worth it. It was the best I felt since my parents passed. I may have lost mom and dad but I still had family and by the looks on their faces they both loved me with all of their hearts. I felt a tear sting my eye when I said a silent prayer that maybe someday Eric would love me the same way I loved him. But looking at him as he cheered for me I knew I would take him however I could get him. He would always be my family.

After the ceremony I walked over to see Jase and Eric in a heated argument. I had to think back but I was pretty sure it was the first time I had ever seen the two of them fight.

'_What the fuck, Eric. She's 17. And she's my _sister_.'_

Whatever they were fighting about it was obvious it had something to do with me. I froze in place, hoping that they hadn't seen me and that they would continue whatever they had been discussing. I didn't get a chance to eavesdrop because Tara took that opportunity to run over to Eric and plant a big kiss right on his lips. I instantly felt murderous. Had they gotten back together? Why hadn't anyone told me? Oh, God! Was Eric there for Tara and not me?

'_Tara, I didn't expect to see you here.' _Eric looked pretty uncomfortable so I felt immediately better.

'_What, you didn't think I would graduate?' _Tara pouted her lip out in a stupid attempt at looking hurt. God, I hated her.

'_No, I uh, just kind of forgot you were in Sookie's class, that's all.' _

I had to hold back from dancing a jig and doing a fist pump as Tara stormed off in a huff. I can't say that I blame her for being upset. I'd feel pretty awful if Eric told me that he'd forgotten me too.

Eric stayed with his parents in Bon Temps that summer as he always did. I was pretty happy to have him around and played it cool when he would come and hang out with Jase and me. Since I had graduated I'd been thinking about what I wanted to do with my life. I had done pretty well on my SAT's but money was tight. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to even go to college. If I had my way I would have gone to LSU with Eric. He had mentioned how it would be nice to have someone there he felt close to. Of course when he said it I swooned. But he was just being nice and I knew his idea of close and my idea of close were as different as Dr. Seuss and Playboy.

The summer flew by as most summers do but the fact that I was due to turn 18 in a week and I still hadn't decided what I wanted to do about school in the fall had me on edge. Jason and Eric thought that I should turn 18 in style with a party and everything. They were both 21 and had even told me they would make sure I got good and drunk if I wanted to but I just wasn't feeling it. Jason was pretty disappointed when I told him that I just wanted to go to a movie in Monroe with him and Eric but he relented. He did insist that we go get some pizza before the movie. As long as he didn't want to go somewhere fancy I was okay with that plan.

The day of my 18th birthday came and I woke up feeling even more anxious about the future than ever. I didn't want to give up on the idea of school but I really didn't think that I could swing it. I was feeling pretty down when Jason called me from work.

'_Don't kill me, Sook but I have to work tonight.' _He sounded genuinely sincere so I didn't give him a hard time.

'_Don't' sweat it, big brother. I'll just hang out here.'_

There was a long pause before Jason spoke.

'_Nah, I told Eric and he sorta still wants to take you. You okay with that? Cause you don't have to go still you know.' _

He was being weird but I figured he was feeling bad about having to back out of my birthday celebration. I have to admit though I was kind of, okay very, excited about going out with Eric by myself.

'_No, Jase that's fine. You sure he wants to though?' _I don't know why but I held my breath waiting for Jason's answer. Did Eric really want to go to a movie with just me?

'_Unfortunately.' _Was all Jase said as he kind of coughed or harrumphed before he hung up.

I didn't give it too much thought because I needed to get around for the day but in the back of my mind I knew that Jason was upset by something else, not just missing my birthday.

I dressed in jeans and a white fitted button up shirt with red flowers scattered in a random pattern. I left a few buttons undone but wore a red cami underneath so I didn't show off too much of the girls. I knew in my heart this wasn't a date but I still wanted to look nice.

Eric knocked on the door around 6 which is weird because he usually just lets himself in. I opened to door and there was Eric with 18 roses in his big outstretched arms. I will never forget that moment for the rest of my life. He looked so wonderful, I am sure he was wearing something that looked killer on him but all I could see was his face. He smiled at me and it was so genuine it melted me. And his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes were taking me in from my toes up to the top of my head. I felt myself blush. Eric had never looked at me like that before. My heart started to thump erratically so before I passed out I managed to invite Eric in and I put the flowers in water. He had followed me into the kitchen and when I turned around he was right behind me. I froze and looked up in his eyes again. I must have looked scared because Eric smirked and told me to relax. I bet we stood in that spot for 10 minutes before he put his hands on my shoulders and spoke to me.

'_You look so beautiful tonight. I hope I don't scare you but I have something I have been waiting to say to the birthday girl.'_

I gulped audibly and Eric smiled at me. He squeezed my shoulders a bit before he continued.

'_Jason told me not to do this, but I have to. I love you Sookie, I have been in love with you for so long I don't remember not loving you. I know that you only see me as Jason's friend but I would like it very much if you would consider this our first date.'_

I'd like to say that I jumped into his arms and that we had our first kiss but it wasn't like that. I think I was in shock because all I did was gulp again, and then for good measure I did it again. Eric looked away and lifted his hands off of my shoulders when I stopped him. I placed my hands on top of his successfully keeping them in place on my body. I didn't want to lose the feeling of his hold on me. It felt so right.

'_I'd like that Eric, I'd like that very much.'_

I moved to Baton Rouge with Eric that fall semester and began attending LSU with him. I know that some would think that we rushed into things but we knew better. Our relationship was strong and deep. I was able to afford school by working part time in the school library. Plus Eric insisted that I live in his apartment rent-free. He would have done anything to keep me by his side.

We got married on Christmas Eve, just 7 months after Eric made his declaration in my kitchen. Eric's parents were surprisingly all for our union. Eventually Jason was too. Even though I am sure it was weird for him to see his little sister marry his best friend. He even admitted that he had seen us fall in love with each other years before but didn't say anything. I think he felt bad about that but I think things happened the way they did for a reason. Who knows if we would have lasted if we had become a couple before we did so Jason's revelation didn't upset me a bit.

Eric and I were happier than anyone I knew. I felt a bit bad for other couples because everyone seemed to fight over the silliest things but not us. We were simply perfect. Maybe that's why he was taken from me so soon. Nothing is supposed to be so perfect.

Eric graduated with a degree in business and started working towards his MBA while I continued on with my undergraduate studies. I was studying business as well. We had so many ideas of what we were going to do with our future. We knew we wanted to work together and probably open some sort of bar or restaurant back in Bon Temps. I know that some people would think it is a crazy idea to go into business with your spouse but I knew we would make as perfect partners in business as we did in life.

We were coming up on our 2 year wedding anniversary and visiting family in Bon Temps for the Christmas break when everything crashed down around me. It was funny how everyone would argue over who would get to house 'Mr. and Mrs. Northman' whenever we came back home. Jason would insist that we stay with him while my in-laws would urge us to stay with them. Truthfully, Eric and I both preferred staying with Jason. Even if the sleeping arrangements made Jason uncomfortable, he just didn't understand why I refused to sleep in my old room and make Eric sleep on the couch. But even Jason's annoyance at our displays of affection were better than my mother-in-law asking me about her future grandchildren at every turn.

Not that we hadn't discussed starting a family. We knew we wanted to have kids but it wasn't the right time. We were going to wait until after I had my undergraduate degree. I wish I had known that we wouldn't get that chance. I would give anything to have a living reminder of my love for Eric. It would be hard to raise a child alone but it would have been worth it to have some of Eric's perfect DNA still in the world.

A few night before our anniversary Eric and Jason went to Merlotte's for some 'man time' When neither one of them had turned up by midnight I started to get scared. I called Eric's phone and instead of ringing it went straight to voice mail. I got really frightened at that point. I called Jason again expecting to get his answering machine again too but instead he answered. He was more than a bit annoyed.

'_Jesus, Sooks what do you want?' _I heard a female giggling in the background. What the hell?

"_Jason Stackhouse, hand the phone over to Eric, I need to speak to him right now."_

I wasn't going to be mad until I had a reason. I trusted Eric, but I really didn't like the sound of that giggling.

'_He ain't here Sooks, he left early and I got a ride from Dawn.' _

The last thing I heard before the knock at the door was more giggling from Dawn. I knew as soon as I answered the door to Andy Bellefleur that my life was over. My love was gone. I collapsed in a heap at Andy's feet and the last thing I heard was Andy telling Jason to come over to the house.

Two years later and I knew one thing about my future that was certain. I would never love again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris (This goes for chapter 1 too, oops)**

Somehow I found myself working on my day off. I didn't really mind, it's not like I have anything better to do with my time. I hate to say it but after Eric passed away I quit school. It seemed all of my reasons for going were gone and being in Baton Rouge only reminded me of what I had lost. I suppose I should finish my degree at some point but so far it has been too easy to procrastinate and push it aside. I've become quite the procrastinator actually. I barely live because it would mean that I'm okay with my life without Eric, which I'm not.

Sometimes I wish I could be reckless like Jason and push on but I just sort of survive from day to day in a sort of stasis. Each day just follows the previous. I find small pleasures in little things like the flower box on my kitchen window and the crazy conversations that go on at the bar. But I am far from happy and no amount of medication seems to do the trick. At first everyone tried to help me out of my funk but now they just leave me be. Kinda like Jason, they know he needs to straighten up but no one takes the time anymore to try talking sense into him. Even though we are grown it seems like the town sees us as poor orphans. We get a lot of pitiful looks and pats on the back. Although after two years those have sort of tapered off to a minimum.

So like I said, I'm just living my life the best I can right now. On the surface things aren't so bad really. I live in a little one bedroom apartment that I rent from the owner of Merlotte's. My landlord and boss, Sam Merlotte (naturally) is a pretty decent guy and he gave me a good break on rent. I moved in with Jason at first but that went down hill pretty fast. Frankly, I was tired of hearing random whores scream his name not to mention awkward morning cups of coffee with said woman.

I had just tied my apron around my too thin waist and made my way to the bar so Sam could fill me in on any important things I would need to know for my shift like beer specials and the soup of the day. I could tell something was wrong as soon as I said hey to him.

"What's the matter Sam?" I asked with a small tilt of my head to the side. My pony tail brushed my bare neck and I gave a small shudder. It tickled. I never liked anything touching my neck, well except for Eric of course. The thought that Eric would never kiss my neck again almost made me cry so I focused on Sam.

Sam looked worried and he kept glancing at the TV that was placed over the bar for the patrons to watch games on. He had it set to the Shreveport news channel which I thought was weird. No one wants to watch the news while eating chicken strips and fried pickles.

"Nothing's wrong, Sookie. By the way thanks for coming in." He tried to smile but it was an utter failure, it looked more like a grimace than anything.

"Whatever you say Sam so what's the skinny on today's specials?" If he wasn't going to share his problems with me I wasn't going to beg. He was a friend but I understood more than anyone when someone wants to change the subject that it's better to let them.

"Well, tonight is dollar draught night, and Laf made some really wonderful Chicken Tortilla soup." His smile corrected itself a little bit and I felt pretty confident that what ever was bothering him wasn't as bad as it first appeared to be.

"K well, I'll get to it then."

I said my hellos to Lafayette in the kitchen and let Holly know I was officially on the clock so she could get herself ready to leave. I saw that I was working with Arlene tonight and I groaned internally. That woman was so freaking obnoxious. She ran through men almost as fast as Jase went through women. The only difference is Arlene was hoping to snag a new daddy for her two kids. I occasionally babysit her kids, they're okay but you can tell that they suffer from their mom's fickleness. Arlene smiled at me and I admit I felt guilty for my thoughts upon seeing her. I guess she has her good points. She seems to always have a smile on her face. I guess that counts for something.

The night was going along well and I was doing pretty good tip-wise. The sun had set and the heavier drinkers started to arrive, Jason among them. He settled himself into one of the booths in my section and waited for his pitcher of beer and his bourbon. I knew what he wanted so I took it to him without asking. I sat the bourbon down and before I had his first glass of beer poured he had finished his Jack straight up. That was my queue to go to the bar for another one. I contemplated telling him to slow it down but I wasn't up for a fight tonight so I left him to drink away Eric's ghost in his own way.

I asked Sam to pour another one for Jason and looked up at the TV while I waited. A newsflash banner started across the bottom of the screen and Sam froze momentarily before he turned up the sound. He handed me the drink and told me to sit with Jason for a bit. I couldn't help thinking that Sam was expecting whatever was about to happen on the TV. He looked as white as a sheet. I nodded and made my way over to sit with Jason.

Sam had turned the TV up enough to catch the attention of everyone in Merlotte's. No one could resist news to gossip about and it appeared we were about to get some big news from the looks of things.

I recognized the anchor. He was more good-looking than talented and he stumbled over his words as he spoke. Apparently the Japanese had just announced that they had invented a blood substitute that would revolutionize the medical industry. While that was certainly captivating news I didn't see why it would have made Sam so nervous. After the announcement they showed a short video that explained the benefits of the new synthetic blood and a bit about the history behind the invention. When they cut back to the anchor he was sitting next to a strikingly beautiful blonde woman. She looked like a housewife in her pastel pink sweater and string of pearls but there was something behind the look in her eyes that was frightening. Whoever had done her makeup had overdone the powder because she was very pale, almost white. But it didn't take away from her beauty. The anchor began to interview the blonde.

"We have a special guest in our studios this evening, Ms. Pamela Ravenscroft. Thank you for joining me tonight. I understand that you have additional information about the new synthetic blood."

The woman on the screen thanked the anchor and looked directly into the TV camera. Sam visually shuddered and poured himself his own shot of Jack. This Pamela Ravenscroft had him spooked, that was for sure. I could only guess as to why.

"Yes, I do Peter. I see no reason to postpone this so I'll cut to the chase. Vampires exist, and I am one."

I couldn't help it, I started to laugh. This was ridiculous, who the hell was this crazy bitch and who allowed her on TV? I looked to Sam to see his reaction and my laughter died on my tongue. From the look on his face I knew. I knew that vampires existed and that the woman on TV was one and I also knew that Sam knew before anyone else in the bar. I'd have to question him later but for the time being I had managed to turn my attention back to the TV. The anchor had apparently fainted because Ms. Pamela Ravenscroft had flashed her fangs to him and the camera. She was smiling like a cat that ate the canary. Or the vampire that ate your neighbor as it was.

"Holy fucking hell, Sookie. Tell me I am drunk, tell me I didn't just see that hot chick flash fangs."

Jason reached over and grabbed my hand giving it a big squeeze. Here we were; a 22 year old girl and her 25 year old brother learning that the boogie man does exist and that there were indeed monsters in the closet. Holy fucking hell indeed.

The bar began to erupt into chaos. Some people were running out of the bar like the vampire was going to pop out of the TV and take a taste right then. Jane Bodehouse, town drunk, decided it was as good a time as any to pass out into the bowl of peanuts. And Sam just stood there with his arms crossed shaking his head staring at the screen. After a second or two he came to his senses and managed to calm the patrons that had decided to stay, telling them that they needed to finish watching what was being said on the news.

According to vampire Pam, which I had decided to start calling her in hopes of making the whole thing seem more real, the new synthetic blood made it possible for vampires to survive without drinking human blood. _Well, that's a good thing I guess. _I thought to myself since I had lost the ability to form words once the vampire had said 'drinking human blood.'

"What's it all mean, Sook? What's gonna happen now?" For a minute Jason looked just like the ten year old he once was.

"I don't know, Jase. I just don't know."

After the news was over Jason had decided that he was done drinking for the night. I suspect he thought he was having some sort of alcohol induced hallucination. Sam and I had a hard time closing the bar that night. I guess a few of the patrons felt safer in the bar and didn't want to venture outside. I figured they were being silly. We were safer now then we had been before the synthetic blood. I guess the vampires had been working with the Japanese scientist for a while and production, bottling, and sales of the first blood drink for vampires were already underway. Looks like TruBlood (catchy) was going to be available at your nearest Piggly Wiggly within the week. Vampires had already been supplied with it for weeks unbeknownst to us humans. And as far as the vampires were concerned we should all just go on about our normally scheduled programs because they didn't need us anymore for dinner, well according to vampire Pam anyways. I wasn't too sure about that since I knew for a fact that while you can live off of tofu no one in their right minds would. But maybe I'm wrong. One thing I did know was that no vampire was going to keep me from getting into my warm bed because I was tired and ready to go home. Once the last customers had gone and Jane's son had lifted her out of the peanuts and placed her in his car Sam and I walked outside to say goodnight.

"You knew, Sam." I wasn't asking a question.

"Yeah, Sookie. I knew, I'm sorry I couldn't tell you. I wasn't sure it would really happen." He looked down at his feet. Looked to me like they were still there so I didn't let him get away with whatever guilty diversion he was trying to pull. This time I wasn't going to let him change the subject.

"How did you know?" That was the million dollar question. Somehow I doubted it was because his liquor distributor had told him so he could place an order for TruBlood.

"Does it matter, chere?"

Uh, oh. Sam was trying to butter me up. He only pulled the 'chere' card when he needed me to clean vomit up in the ladies room or something gross like that.

"I does." And it did. It really did because I figured he'd known about vampires for a while and I felt like that's just something you tell a friend.

Sam stood before me contemplating his answer. He was probably figuring out just how much to tell me. That, or he was trying to come up with a good lie. If it was the later I would know and he would regret it, that you can be sure. Just as I was about to yell 'never mind' and storm to my car Sam spoke up.

"I know because they are part of the supernatural community, and so am I." This time he avoided looking at his shoes and just looked at me in the eyes. I think I preferred him looking at his shoes because I was getting freaked out. Was Sam a vampire too? How did I not know?

"Wait, are you a…" I was cut off before I could finish my sentence.

"No! God no Sook, I ain't no vamp." Sam sounded rightly offended. "I'm a shape shifter."

"A what?" I knew I was catching flies but I didn't care enough to fix the situation. I just left my mouth agape. I think it would have taken too much effort to close my mouth at that point in time.

"A shape shifter." Sam said again, this time beaming with pride. You'd have thought he'd just told me that his kid had made honor roll if he'd had a kid, that is. "I can turn into any animal I want."

I can't day that I am proud of what I did next but I turned around on my heels and walked to my car without so much as a word. This was all too much. I heard Sam holler for me but I just lifted my arm up and kind of waived to him to let him know to leave me alone I didn't even bother to turn around. It's not like I wasn't ever going to come back or anything. I just needed a minute or 1000.

Once I was in my car I started to cry. I made it a mile before the tears really started to fall and I had to pull over to the side of the road. Suddenly my world felt so small and I felt so lost. I just found out that there were other being in the world but I had never felt so alone. I needed Eric more than I had in ages and my heart ached as my body quaked with sobs, my heart felt like it was breaking all over again. Why? Why wasn't Eric here to protect me? Why wasn't Eric here to make a joke and take my mind off of the scary monsters?

I cried in my car for a while longer before I made up my mind to get home. I just wanted to sleep. Sleep would take my mind away from everything and maybe, if I was lucky, Eric would visit me in a dream and I could talk to him about all the new things I had just learned about my world.

I pulled into my drive and headed to my front door. I still had the hiccups from sobbing and for some reason I just couldn't get to the door fast enough. I guess it was the news story, or the image of vampire Pam's fangs, but I felt like I was being followed. I picked up my pace and just as I reached my stoop I felt a presence behind me. I was scared to death and then I smelled it. Irish Spring soap and a certain musk that belonged to only one individual I smelled him. Eric.

"You have no idea how long I have waited for this night."

I heard his voice. I wanted to turn around so badly but I knew to do so would be a mistake. I knew he wouldn't be there. He couldn't be there, could he? What a freaking night, vampires, shape shifter and now I have gone insane. Or maybe I woke up this way and the whole vampire thing was in my crazy mind as well.

I turned around slowly and there he was. My husband in the flesh, every bit as beautiful as the day he said 'I do'.

"But, how?" I managed to choke out those two little words. I feared that my legs were going to give out on me.

"I have missed you so much, my Sookie." Eric smiled at me and reached out a hand to cup my cheek like he had done a thousand times in the past. But his fingers were cold. Too cold. And then it hit me. And I screamed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Charlaine Harris. **

**a/n: I apologize for the quality of the second chapter. I was so excited to post it that I really didn't proof it that well. I promise to do better in the future. I just really, really wanted Eric to make his appearance. Forgive me? Oh, and someone asked so I'll just tell you now. Sookie is just a plain old human. She can't hear a peep out of any minds, human or other. This is just a simple love story between a girl and her vampire husband. In fact, other than Eric becoming a vampire I have no desire to make it too sad or angst filled either. **

I screamed. I screamed and then I passed out. Like I said, it was all too much. I woke up on my porch cradled in Eric's arms. My first thought was '_My God, he's alive!' _but then I remembered the news, and scary Pamela Ravenscroft, and Eric's cold fingers. And I knew. Eric was most certainly not alive, in fact he was very much dead, but he was looking at me while holding me in his arms. At that moment I couldn't find it in myself to care that he was a vampire and that he drank blood. He was back. My Eric was back.

"Oh, God Eric, I missed you so much. I was lost without you." I began to cry in his arms as he stroked my hair and gently rocked me. Occasionally I would hear his voice saying "Hush now" Or "It's going to be alright." And for those few minutes while he held me I believed him. But like all things my moment of bliss was short lived when I remembered that Eric had been gone for two years. For two years I mourned him and the life we had built. For two years I forced myself to wake up and get out of bed because I knew that was what he would have wanted. I was confused and hurt and I wanted answers.

As much as I wanted to stay in his arms I couldn't let myself. So I did the only thing that I could think of. I sat up and yelled at him. I yelled at him for leaving me and my voice was filled with all of the hurt of the last two years and he flinched at my words. I knew I had hurt him and I didn't care because he had hurt me by staying away for so long.

"Why Eric, why didn't you come to me? I would have understood. I would have done anything to have you back. When you died, it almost killed me. I died a little more every day. If you had just told me…" I wailed at him and I am sure the results weren't pretty but Eric never looked away. He let me get everything out that needed out. Even as a vampire he still knew better than to interrupt my thought processes. He knew that I needed to get this out to move forward. I also felt that if he was still the Eric I knew at all that he would be honest with me about what had kept him away.

With much effort I stood up from Eric's lap. I felt like if I broke contact with him that he might disappear from me again. I walked to the front door of my apartment and stepped inside. I thought Eric would follow me but he just stood at the door looking sheepish.

My heart broke a little as I looked at him debate whether he wanted to come inside my house. He didn't seem to want to come in. He didn't want to spend time with me. God, why did he even come see me? I felt the tears build again but my waterworks were cut short by Eric.

"You need to invite me in. I can't enter your home without a proper invitation." He smirked and I felt a tug at more than my heart. _It's him, it's really him. Thank you, God. _

"That's weird, Eric. Okay… won't you please come in?"

In a flash too fast for my eyes to follow he was standing before me and crushing his lips to mine. If I'd had any doubt before that this being was Eric they were put aside the moment his lips met mine. His was the only kiss I'd ever known. We kissed like not even a minute had passed with us apart, like the last two years were just a horrible nightmare. I wanted the embrace to last forever but I knew we needed to talk. I had so many questions that my mind refused to let me live in the moment and continue our kiss.

"I can't do this, I need… I have questions." I looked up into the eyes of the love of my life. Eyes that an hour before I thought I'd never gaze into again.

Eric laughed. "Of course you do, I didn't expect anything else. In fact I figured you would have hit me a few times by now."

Eric sat on my couch and stretched his long legs out in front of him. He looked so funny on my little sofa. I felt a moment of extreme sadness when I thought about how we would have picked out a much different couch if he had been with me when I bought it. I let out a half hearted laugh. My thoughts must have been written on my face.

"No, we would not have bought this couch Sookie, that's for sure."

He patted the spot next to him and I sat down. He placed his arm around my shoulder and I resisted the urge to burry myself in 'my spot' in the crook of his arm. It's not that I didn't want to though.

"Just… tell me. Tell me what happened and where you've been."

Eric took a deep breath and I thought it odd. I'd noticed that he didn't breathe at all and I could tell from my position next to him that his heart didn't beat either. I won't lie, it freaked me out. I was sitting with my husband who was technically an animated corpse. I had to push that thought out of my mind quickly it was just too… weird.

"I can't tell you everything Sookie." I started to tense up and argue but he put his cool finger to my lips and finished what he was saying. "But what I can tell you will be the truth."

"I was attacked on my way home from being out with Jason. But I guess you figured that out. I was on my way and I saw a woman on the side of the road next to a car. She had the hood up so I assumed it had broken down. God, if I had known… I wouldn't have stopped. But I think, no, I know she would have gotten me sooner or later.

"I pulled over and before I could even ask if she needed help she was on me. She was so small and frail looking but she kicked my ass. I tried Sookie, I tried to stop her. God, I tried."

His retelling made me remember how they had found his body and I knew he was telling the truth. I had always known he fought for his life.

"She overpowered me and drug me into the tree line on the side of the road. She drank my blood, I remember thinking two things. One, I wanted to hold you so bad it hurt. And two, I couldn't believe vampires were real. I thought she was just killing me but apparently she gave me her blood because I woke up a vampire.

"She let you bury me and that I am appreciative of. I was told that I could not contact you and that you had buried me and said your goodbyes. Honestly, that's all the information she would give. I was angry but there was nothing I could do. I wanted to see you but she forbade it. I knew you would understand and accept me regardless but she said it didn't matter. Plus she had plans for me."

I stiffened at the mention of plans. Had Eric been in a relationship with her, had he been unfaithful? Once again, Eric seemed to have read my mind as he answered my unspoken question.

"No, not plans like that. She prefers women over men for… pleasure."

I blushed and let out the breath I'd been holding.

"My maker chose me for strength. She needed someone to help her with her plans. Plans that I can't divulge right now Sookie, I'm sorry. Suffice it to say she had done her homework and she liked my physique and my mind. She knew that I had a business degree. She picked me…personally.

"I begged her so many times to let me see you Sookie, you must know that. But she refused and commanded me to never seek out anyone from my past. I missed Jason too, you know."

I looked up at Eric at the mention of Jason and saw that his eyes were rimmed with red. The red liquid escaped his eye and I realized it was a tear. Eric was crying blood tears. I cried along with him as he told his tale, me with my salty human tears and Eric with his bloody vampire ones. I knew I still loved him, vampire and all and no matter what he was my family and I had no intention of letting him leave me again. I tucked myself into my 'spot' and listened to Eric tell me about the last two years of his existence. Since technically it wasn't his life because his 'life' was over.

"My maker wasn't completely cold hearted, though she would tell you that she is. She treated me well and does to this day. She taught me the basics and I learn more from her everyday. At first I hated her, I hated that she took you from me. Or I guess me from you. But over time I forgave her. I had to if I wanted to move on. I thought I would never see you again. I had no idea that vampires wanted to make themselves know, at least Pam never told me…"

I shot up like a rocket and launched myself off of the couch. Pam! Pam? Little pearls and pink cashmere Pam? Wicked witch of the West Pam? TV Pam?

"I know her." I said as I looked down at him. He nodded his head in agreement.

"I told you…plans." He smiled but his sadness was palpable.

"Does she know that you're here?" I began to get frightened. I feared that Pam was just outside the door waiting to snatch my husband away from me again.

"Yes, she told me to contact you if I wanted to, since vampires are revealing themselves all over the world tonight. But there are limitations." Eric looked down as another tear broke free from his chin. I watched it as it landed on the dark denim of his jeans and disappear.

"What limitations Eric. What is it?" I didn't think I was going to be able to handle his answer.

"I can't come back. I can't be with you anymore."

"Bullshit! Bullshit, Eric. I won't have it. You're MINE! Not hers! You belong to me, you belong with me. Please, please don't leave me again Eric. I'll die. I swear I'll die." I believed it too if the pain in my chest was any indication.

"We still have tonight, lover." He said as he reached for me.

'Fuck that! No! It's not enough. I won't let you leave… I won't." My mind started planning ways that I could keep him here but I had no idea how. And if I could would I really? Would I kidnap my own husband? Hell yes I would. "And what is that _lover_ shit? I am not your lover, I am your wife!" I sat down and buried my head in my hands I was crying in earnest now. I was desperate but I had no idea what to do.

"Sookie?"

I didn't look up.

"Sookie, look at me."

"No, I won't, I won't let you break my heart again. I won't watch as you walk away from me."

And then I felt it, in my head. A dull tugging sensation and I felt Eric's presence in my home stronger than before and his scent filled my nose and I had no choice but to look at him.

"You won't remember that I was here. You came home and fell asleep and had a nice dream about us. You dreamt that we made love under the oak that we used to sneak off to on Jason's property. I told you that I love you always and you told me the same."

My anger flared. Who was he to tell me what I saw and didn't see? Apparently it was him that tugged at my mind earlier. He was trying some vampire mojo on me and I was not going to put up with it. I wasn't just someone that he could toss aside. I am his wife for Christ's sake.

"I don't know what the hell you think you're doing Eric Johan Northman but stop it. I know you are here. I know you are alive, I guess. And I will not let you go again. Let that bitch come here. I'll tell her myself. She may have taken you once but I will walk through hell with bare feet before I let her take you again."

Eric was stunned speechless. He shook his head and chuckled.

"I should have known my glamor wouldn't work on you. You have always been so pig headed and stubborn."

"Is that what it's called? Well I'm glad it doesn't work, Buddy. You were trying to make me forget you." I stomped my foot and Eric only laughed harder.

As I stood before him I remembered what he said.

"Do you, Eric? Do you really still love me?" I know he could read the hope in my eyes.

"As much as a vampire can, Sookie." He looked forlorn. I hated seeing that expression on his face.

"What does that mean, Eric? I don't understand." Either he loved me or he didn't.

"I am a predator, Sookie. I drink human blood, and you are a human. I cherish my memories of you, and I care for you but we can never be together, not like we were. I'll always be a vampire and you'll always be a food source."

He couldn't have hurt me more if he had physically ripped my heart out. I didn't care that he was a vampire, why should he. I'm the one that stood to lose out in this relationship and I didn't care. I still loved him with all of my heart. How could he say those things to me?

"That's ridiculous, Eric. You drink TruBlood now so you don't need human blood anymore. I know you still love me, I know you do." But the conviction is my voice just wasn't there. What do I know about vampires? Nothing. Maybe he was right maybe he couldn't love me anymore.

"I need to be going Sookie, I see it was a mistake to come here. I just wanted to see you so badly. Even if just to say goodbye." He stood up to leave and my heart fell into my stomach. He was leaving me again. I didn't think I could handle the pain again so I tried to find a new emotion.

"Fuck you, Eric. Go to hell."

He reached for the door to leave without saying another word. He wouldn't even look at me. He paused for a second before opening the door and I had a brief moment of hope that he would change his mind. But he didn't and as he opened the door I saw her. Pamela Ravenscroft, the she-devil herself. She looked me up and down in a way that made me feel like a side of beef, which to her I guess I might as well have been. She sneered at me before she spoke.

"Trust me, Honey. As far as hell goes the last two years he's been there and done that." She gave me another once over and continued. "Aren't you going to invite me in? I guess you don't have to since my child has been invited and any invitation to my child is an invitation to me. But really, don't you think it more hospitable for you to say the words?"

"Ms. Ravenscroft, won't you please come in?"

"Why thank you Sookie, I do appreciate good southern manners."

Pam smirked at me as she made her way over to a chair across from the couch. She pointed to the couch and Eric dutifully sat down. I didn't really know what to do so I plopped down next to Eric.

"So Sookie, aren't you going to offer refreshments."

Eric looked at Pam in shock and I was absolutely petrified. I think I may have made to offer to Eric if things had gone better earlier but I know without a doubt that I didn't want Pam sucking blood from my neck.

Pam laughed at the looks on our faces. "Oh, for goodness sakes lighten up you two. I swear Eric, you are even less fun around Sookie, if that is even possible." With that Pam laughed and it was absolutely terrifying. Even Eric stiffened in his seat. _That can't be a good reaction._


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris**

**a/n: Big, big thanks to all those who have added this story to their favorites and to those of you that have reviewed. I guess you can tell by now that Eric isn't the same but I attribute that to the fact that he was 23 when he was turned so he's only 25, not 1000+ years old like we are used to. At least Pam is snarky and very unimpressed by humans in general, well except for one and she took him! But really, who wouldn't?**

Pam's laugh put me on edge even more than I already was and Eric's silence didn't help. I wanted more than anything for Pam to get the hell out and for Eric to stay and at least talk to me some more. I knew if I had the chance I could make him see he still loved me. I had to believe that.

"I'd offer a TruBlood but I don't have any. You know, I wasn't expecting company." I smiled the best I could under the circumstances.

"Aren't you sweet?" Pam said, and from the look in her eyes I knew she meant literally. Just call me Hershey.

"Not, really." I deadpanned.

I saw a slight movement come from Eric. I turned to him and he gave me a stern look that did not sit well with my current state. I felt the tears well in my eyes for the umpteenth time that evening.

"Sookie!"

It was only one word but it spoke volumes. His tone and expression were enough to push the on button to my tears. I hate crying. It seems I've spent the last two years dehydrated and from the amount of tears I shed tonight I was surprised that I hadn't started to flake away to dust. I tried to control myself but it was no use.

"Eric, your former wife is leaking. And from the looks of your face you have been leaking as well. Tell me Eric; was this a common occurrence during your human life? Never mind, I really don't care." Pam sounded bored as she began to inspect her nails.

_Former wife…_

For the second time in that night my body and mind took a vacation. This time when I came to my head was killing me. I guess I fell to the floor and Eric hadn't been there to catch me. I bet that was some sort of sign, maybe an indication that what Eric said was the truth. In his current state we could not be together. The thought just made my head hurt worse. I touched the sore spot and felt wetness. Blood. I sat up and became aware of my surroundings. _Food source… _What I saw made my blood run cold. Pam was holding Eric back and he was struggling against her. The only way I can describe the look on his face was ravenous. His fangs were barred at me and he was growling. Eric was growling. And he wanted to eat me. The idea of it was absurd and I had a strange compulsion to laugh. _I am losing my mind. _Fortunately my self preservation skills kicked in and I ran to the bathroom. I heard Eric's growl intensify and Pam barking orders at him. I couldn't tell you what she said because my ears and mind were too tuned into Eric and animalistic noises he was making. He used to make a similar noise when he looked at me in _that way _when we were together. But it was never frightening. Eric had never scared me before tonight. He had never been harsh with his words or physically rough or violent in any way. Not to me or anyone. It just wasn't in his nature.

_His nature…_

I washed my face and cleaned up the gash on my head the best I could. It wasn't deep and it didn't take long for the bleeding to stop. I put some cotton gauze over the cut and taped it down. Physically I was ready to step back into the living room and face my husband and her vampire maker. Emotionally I was reeling. As much as I tried to put up a wall to block the thoughts that I was having my brain wasn't having it. Standing there in my bathroom I realized something. I realized lots of things actually and none of them gave me comfort.

_The vampire in my living room is not my husband._

_The vampire in my living room that was once my husband is dangerous and could kill me._

_The vampire in my living room needs to leave, immediately._

_The vampire in my living room holds my heart no matter how wrong that is._

With my new resolve I walked back into the lions den. The situation appeared to be under control as Eric was standing by the front door on his own without being restrained. I couldn't see his fangs but he had his mouth closed in a grimace and I couldn't really tell anything more than that. Pam was standing in front of him looking at me and it didn't escape my notice that she was still acting as sort of a shield. I wondered briefly who she was protecting, Eric or me. Because I can tell you with certainty that he would not be harmed by me. Even if I wanted to I don't think I could cause him any pain. Maybe he was an animal now, or a monster. But I couldn't hurt him. Not after our short life together. And it wasn't like he asked for any of this. He didn't want to be a vampire.

I wanted to yell at Pam and hit her and kick her and any other number of unladylike things at the moment, but I wasn't stupid. She'd held Eric back from drinking from me or worse killing me and she did it without much effort. I knew she was strong, hell she killed my husband. I had no doubt that she would've killed me without a second thought. Then I wondered why she hadn't, yet. Maybe she was just waiting for the right moment.

_Maybe death wouldn't be so bad. _

Not vampire style death. Maybe _dead_ dead would be fine. It wouldn't be the first time I'd had the idea. So many times I wished to join Eric in heaven but I was too chicken to do it. I'd been raised to believe that suicide was a mortal sin. I wanted to go to heaven to be with Eric, not go to hell to spend eternity alone. I guess all of that is a moot point though since Eric was in my living room and not in heaven waiting for me. Then the situation hit me again and at that moment I felt like I was standing in a hell of my own. Yes, maybe Pam killing me wouldn't be so bad. I could see Mom and Dad and Gran. The image of Gran's face in my mind made me feel ashamed of my thoughts of dying. She would be so disappointed of she knew how close to giving up I was. I shook my head as if to tell myself that death was not an option and I looked at Pam. I couldn't look at Eric.

Pam was looking at me like I had grown gills.

"You are a strange human, Sookie. But you are quite beautiful. I can see why Eric was so fond of you and eager to visit. He has always spoken of your kindness of heart. He never mentioned how very… peculiar you are though." Pam had tilted her head slightly as she described me as peculiar. She continued to stare at me with her head tilted and I have to say I found her to be very peculiar as well. But I would never tell her that. I looked at the ground. This was it.

"I think you should go, and take Eric with you please."

"Of course, Sookie. Just one thing…" She looked at me and I felt the tugging on my mind again. I slowly met her gaze. She smiled at me and looked directly in my eyes. I felt a calming sensation run through my entire body. I can't say that it wasn't welcomed. "We weren't here Sookie. You fell asleep watching a movie and fell off the couch and hit your head on the coffee table. You will feel better about your dead husband tomorrow and start looking to replace him with a new human."

I knew what she was doing. I could understand her trying to make me forget Eric but why suggest I find a new love, what did she care if I lived with a broken heart? She was so fucking strange. She was a complete enigma. All I knew for certain about her was that I would hate her and what she did to me and Eric until the moment of my last breath. Whether that moment be now or sometime in the future.

"I appreciate what you are trying to do, really. But I want to keep my memories if it is all the same to you." I smiled weakly.

Pam looked honestly startled for a second before she composed herself and even though Eric had his eyes cast to the floor he smirked. His smirk, one of the faces I missed the most only because it irritated me so much when he'd used it. He usually pulled the smirk face when something was going his way. I was clueless as to why he chose that moment to pick that particular smile.

"This is most unfortunate, Sookie. I really can't have you messing up all of my hard work now that you know Eric is still… around." Her eyes narrowed and she took a step towards me.

I tried to step back, to turn and run and lock myself in my bathroom but I couldn't move.

"I… I won't tell anyone, you have my word as a Stackhouse and as a Northman. Just… just go. You can leave and you won't ever have to worry about me. I promise you." I stammered my plea and I hoped to God she would accept. I was certain at this point that I did not want to die. I would fight before I gave up, just like Eric had.

Eric. Was I really willing to let him go, for good? Could I keep my promise to keep their secret, I wasn't too sure. I thought I would certainly have to tell Jason. He would be shocked but the idea that Eric was around somewhere would be a comfort to him, I think. I wondered if they left me alive if I would be able to continue on like nothing had changed. I guess the truth was Eric was still dead. My Eric was gone no matter how much the vampire in front of me looked and sounded like him. Sure, there were brief moments during the night when he held me that I felt he still loved me and that we could make this work. But I'm pretty sure I was deluding myself. Knowing that he's changed so much might make it easier to let go, to move on. But knowing he was out there… without me by his side… no matter what the circumstances were that idea filled me with pain. I honestly didn't think I could let him go. In my heart he was still very much mine, even if my brain told me I was wrong.

Pam's eyebrow quirked and she took another step forward. I had the distinct feeling that I was being preyed upon. She was stalking me, slowly, slyly. Two more steps and I would be within range of her manicured hands.

"Please don't Master." Eric barely whispered.

It took a second to register. _Master. _Oh, no, no, no, what has she done to him? Who could take such a strong- willed and honorable man like Eric and break him that way? To reduce him to… what, a servant? What she did to him, to us was wrong on so many levels. His words pulled at my heart, he was begging his _master _for my life. Even thinking the term left a rotten taste in my mouth. I could hear the hopelessness of his words, his plea was desperate but he said it as if he knew he was speaking in vain.

Pam halted her approach and turned to Eric. She sized him up and I could tell she had come to some sort of conclusion to the situation when she turned back to me. She had the same fangy smile that she had when she was on the news. The one that made her look so deadly, deadly and absolutely bat-shit crazy. I mentally said a prayer to God to look out for Jase and Eric and let out a big breath. I looked Pam in the eyes. If that was it, I wasn't going to go down without my dignity. I began to speak to Eric to tell him that I loved him still but I wasn't given the chance.

"Oh for fucks sake, fine. I'll let the blood bag live... for now. But don't kid yourself Sookie, we will speak again. Soon."

Pam turned to leave and I sighed in relief. I looked to Eric and his eyes were still cast downward. He let Pam exit before him. He was always chivalrous in life; at least he hadn't lost that quality. He looked up at me with a completely blank expression. His face showed absolutely no emotion. It was chilling. He turned to leave and it hit me that this was it. He was leaving me again but this time it was his choice. He was walking away from me, from us.

"Eric!" I cried out without thinking.

He turned towards me so fast that his body blurred. I had never seen anything like it and it only proved even more that he wasn't the same Eric. The look on his face made me pause and I had to wonder, maybe just maybe he was in there after all. Because when Eric looked in my eyes he smiled at me and winked. He actually winked. And then he was gone.

Sleep eluded me for an hour or more before I broke down and took a Xanax to turn off my brain. Finally, sometime after 3am I felt sleep pull me under. I guess there was something to the vampire 'glamor' as Eric had called it after all because I did dream of Eric. Or maybe it was just my desire to be with him that led my mind to the old oak tree on Jason's property during my slumber.

"_He'll kill you if he finds us Mr. Northman." I giggled as he started pulling my underwear down my thighs. _

"_He wouldn't dare. He wouldn't kill his sister's husband." Eric's eyes smoldered as he took in my form._

"_I beg to differ, Mister." I sighed as Eric settled onto red checked blanket under us. His face inches from my girly parts. I could feel his hot breath as he spoke to me. I shuddered at the sensation and anticipation of what was to come._

"_I would love to hear you beg, Mrs. Northman." Eric smirked as he lowered his mouth onto me. _

_His movements were hurried but exquisite. He knew all of my favorite moves and his tongue danced in a familiar rhythm that was far from boring or repetitive. I might have been familiar with this dance of ours but I welcomed it like it was the first time, every time. _

_I felt the tightening of my lower belly as Eric inserted two of his long graceful fingers into me. No one had ever touched me there before and no one else ever would. I was his completely, the thought of him knowing me as no other will along with his skill sent me over the edge. I saw fireworks and heard birds chirping. I am pretty sure I saw a bunny riding a unicorn gallop by, it was that good. _

_I reached for the button on his jeans and lowered his zipper. I used my feet to push the denim off of his perfect ass and legs. He kicked his jeans off the rest of the way. _Mmm, no underwear_. I raised my eyebrow at him and he winked at me. I palmed myself and used the wetness to stroke him. He was so hard for me, only me. _

_Growing up I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would ever actually be Mrs. Eric Northman but here I was lying in the warmth of another perfect Louisiana Spring afternoon preparing to make love to my husband. The only man I ever loved. The only man I would ever love. _

"_I need you, Eric" I moaned. I was not opposed to asking for what I wanted. Sometimes we even made little games of it. _

"_What do you need Sookie, tell me." He moved his cock to my entrance. I was shaking with desire. I was so hot and I knew it wasn't the sunshine. _

"_I need your cock, Eric." I blushed, I may be getting better at this but I was still a little shy. That's okay though because I know that when I blush it only turns Eric on more. _

"_You need _this_?" Eric pushed into me when he said 'this'. The force of his thrust surprised and exhilarated me. As he pulled back out he made a low growl-like hum deep in his throat. God, what this man could do to me. _

"_Yes, Eric. I need it. I need you." _

_I was swept away by the feel of his weight on me. I timed the upward movements of my hips with his thrusting and soon we were in sync. Our rhythm was slow and sensual as Eric nuzzled my neck and placed kisses on every part of my exposed skin that he could reach with is mouth. We were both sweating heavily and the slickness of our bodies began to spur us on as we reached a faster pace. Eric sat up and pulled me with him so he was sitting back on his feet. I situated my thighs for the deepest penetration possible. He was so large but he fit me perfectly. We were made for each other, no doubt about it. I rode him while he kept the pace with his left hand on my right hip. I knew I was close as my inner muscles began their spasms and Eric began to rub my clit with his free thumb. It only took a few rotations of his thumb for me to come and I felt his thrust deepen as he came with me. _

"_So good Sookie, so perfect; you were made just for me." Eric laid down on the blanket and pulled me into a snuggle at his side. It was hot and we were sweaty and sticky but there wasn't any place in the universe I would rather be. The best part was I knew that Eric was thinking the same thing._

_All too soon Eric stood and pulled me up and into him he wrapped me in his arms that made me feel so safe, so loved and he gave me a tight squeeze before placing a kiss on the top of my head. He pulled away slightly and nudged my chin up with his big hand laid the mother of all kissed on me. To my dismay he broke the kiss and I pouted my lip but it only made him wink at me. _

"_It's 1:15, what time does Jase usually get home from work?" _

"_He won't be home until 4:30 at the earliest. He said he's working in Monroe today." I smiled as I wondered what he had in mind. _

"_I'm hot, you're hot," He looked me up and down in a way that made me blush again, "let's take a dip in his pond." _

"_I didn't bring my bikini, Eric."_

"_Good." He pulled me towards the pond. I reached down for the blanket. It was all I had time to grab since Eric was on a mission. As he pulled me to the water I took the opportunity to check out his rear. I never skip and chance to do that. _

_I watched as Eric jumped in. It was still pretty early in the season and I knew the water was freezing. He didn't mind cold though, I think it must have to do with his Swedish heritage. His head surfaced and he laughed as he reached his had for mine. _

"_Come on in Mrs. Northman. The water is perfect."_

_I would never get tired of him calling me that…_

I woke up with an ache between my thighs and in my heart. There was only one person that could fill either void. I just needed to figure out how I was going to get him back. I knew it was probably stupid. I hadn't forgotten what I saw when I bled in front of him but something in my heart told me that we could work through this vampire thing. The only problem I could see was Pam. She was under some sort of impression that he was hers. Well, sorry sister! He was mine first and he will be mine again.

I started the new day with a plan, well more like a plan to form a plan. I needed to do research. I would need to know what weaknesses if any that vampires have and how to use them to my advantage. I might not be strong or fast but I am determined. And determination in a Stackhouse/Northman is a force to be reckoned with.

For the first time in 2 years I had a purpose to my life. I was terrified, uncertain, and confused and absolutely exhilarated and I felt…great. My husband wasn't gone for good. He was around and he needed me, maybe more than I needed him.

I called Sam and asked him to meet me for lunch. I figured he knew enough about vampires that he could give me the information that I needed. I jumped in the shower determined to wash the last two years of sadness off of me for good and walk out a new woman. I was determined that the next tears I shed would be tears of joy.

_Let operation 'Get Eric Back' begin…_

_

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_

_**Hmm, looks like Sad Sookie is turning over a new leaf, or is that Lief? Do you like her possessiveness? I do. I can't imagine what I wouldn't do to get my man back if he was the one and only Eric Northman. Do you think she should go after him or move on with her life? Maybe I could introduce her to Alcide, or even Quinn...nah. What do you guys think of alternative POV's. Writing Eric is hard for me to do but I might be able to give it a try. How about Pam, just what is she up to anyway? And where is Bill Compton? do you even care? Ha ha.**_

_**If **__**you are so inclined, please review. I really love reading them and appreciate them even more. **  
_


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris.**

_A/N: Big thanks to all the readers and reviewers. Special thanks to my beta **Northwoman **who finds all of the extra unnecessary words and my pre-reader **Mazza666 **for her wonderful ideas and insight. _**Any remaining mistakes are mine. **

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Sam gave me the stinky eyeball as soon as I asked him my first question about vampires. He wasn't very forthcoming at first. I don't know what his problem was since I figured vampire facts would be common knowledge soon enough. Still, he was evasive and hem hawed around everything until I finally just had to tell him how the cow ate the cabbage.

"Sam Merlotte, you _owe _me. You've kept a potentially dangerous secret from me since I've known you. Don't you think it would have been a good idea to tell me that there were things out in the world that wanted to drink people like juice boxes?" I furrowed my brow at him.

I picked up my pen and made like I was ready to take notes on my binder that I brought with me. Whatever information he was going to dish out I was going to write down so I wouldn't forget. Once I set my mind to a task I didn't go about it half-assed. If I was going to get through to Eric I would need all the information I could get and forgetting even one little bit of it was not acceptable to me.

"Well?" Now it was my turn to give Sam the stinky eyeball.

Sam shifted (ha ha) in his seat uncomfortably. I couldn't tell what he was thinking but I really didn't care what his thoughts were as long as he started voicing them soon.

"Is this about Pam Ravenscroft?"

Sam had finally started talking and what he said was not at all what I was expecting. I tried to hide my shock but I doubt I did.

"What? No, why would you even ask that?"

It wasn't a lie; it wasn't about Pam, it was about Eric. My voice was a little too high pitched as I protested and Sam raised an eyebrow at me. He was on to me. I never was good at poker or anything where I had to hide my emotions. I'm pretty much an open book. I wondered how much I could get away with telling him without getting Eric or I into trouble. I decided to make him work for anything he got from me. You know, a little quid pro quo, Clarice.

"Sook… Sookie, I don't know what you got going on in that pretty little head of yours but let me make it clear. Stay away from Pam. She is no joke, she's dangerous and ruthless. Messing with her will get you killed, or worse."

I assumed he meant being turned into a vampire was the 'or worse'. Sam sure had a stick up his butt over vampires. I decided to try to play up his obvious bias.

"Oh, I know Sam, don't you worry about me. I want nothing to do with that vampire. The whole idea just…"

I shuddered for Sam's benefit. "But what I wonder is why don't you like them? I mean you're different too. I would think you would have some sort of… I don't know empathy for them being supernatural like you and all."

Sam looked like I'd just told him his cousin was an antelope. But as far as I knew he had a cousin that was an antelope so I ignored the look he gave me and continued.

"I just want to know what to expect. I mean, should I put garlic on my windows? Should I start wearing Gran's cross pendant when I am out and about? I just want to _know, _you know?" I gave same my best perky smile and put my pen back to the paper ready to write. I hoped that I came across as the eager pupil.

I tried to play stupid. I didn't want Sam to know that I already knew about glamour and the fact that vampires need and invitation into a human home. The less he knew I knew, the better.

"Okay, Sook. I'll tell you what I know. But you are hiding something, don't try to deny it. I just hope that if you find yourself in trouble that you use that brain in your head and call me for help. You can't get one over on a vampire. They're devious and conniving."

He looked down at the pen in my hand and laughed at me as I finished writing C.o.n.n.i.v.i.n.g. I put my pen down and looked at Sam.

"See, now that wasn't so hard was it?"

The rest of lunch was spent with me writing as fast as he could talk but I had to stop him a couple of times for him to repeat something or for him to spell a word here and there. Once he started talking he was pretty forthcoming. I had a funny picture in my mind of me as a cop asking him questions in an interrogation room. I never thought I was the cop type but I somehow managed to get him to sing like a canary. The imagery made me laugh and I realized that I was laughing, really laughing, for the first time since Eric had been killed. It felt good to have the old Sookie return.

After it was all said and done and Sam had headed off to the bar, I reflected on what I knew so far. I felt pretty good with all of the new info I had. I had a few pretty important notes:

Vampires die in sunlight pretty fast (so much for immortality)

Vampires die if they have their heads severed (ditto)

Vampires die if you drive a wooden stake in their heart (ditto, again.)

You can weaken a vampire with silver. (start wearing silver chains…)

They are very fast (yep, saw that)

They are very strong (saw that too)

Some have special talents but there are too many to list (I wonder what Eric's talent is?)

They can glamour humans (well most anyway. Not me though!)

They die during the day and are very vulnerable (Sounds useful)

They keep humans as pets (Eww, no way!)

Crosses don't do a thing unless they are silver (can't wear too much silver jewelry)

Garlic is revolting but doesn't hurt them (more spaghetti, please!)

They have heightened senses (like Superman? LOL)

Vampire children must do what their makers say (I want to cry, but I won't)

They need an invite into a home but the invite can be revoked at any time (remember to do that!)

It wasn't too much that I could really use since I still wasn't sure what I wanted to do to save Eric. Should I kill Pam? Could I kill Pam? Chances are I would be dead before my stake tore her cashmere. And honestly, I didn't want to kill anyone, even a vampire murderer, or was it murderess? I just wanted Eric free and clear. It never really occurred to me that he might not want the same thing.

Just as I was finishing up my notes Sam walked back into the café. He looked confused and I could tell he had something important to say. His demeanor made me nervous so I braced myself for whatever it was that had him so antsy.

"Sookie, I have something I've got to tell you and you aren't gonna like it. In fact you may hate me for it but you need to know."

He sat down across from me once again as I hastily put my notes away. I took a big healing breath. I guess it looked like a good idea because Sam took one too. I locked eyes with him. I was as ready as I was going to be.

"I know Pam. I've known her for years. She resides in Shreveport… God, Sookie this is hard." He looked like someone had kicked his puppy.

"Spit it out." I snapped.

I certainly didn't like where this was going and I didn't have it in me to be nice at that particular moment in time.

"She asked about you a couple of years ago. She said you needed an eye kept on you. Nothing serious, just kind of watched out for. Anyway, I told her I would. I asked why but she told me it was none of my concern. At the time I hardly knew you. You'd just started working at the bar and had recently lost Eric. I really didn't think much of it because vampires do this sort of thing from time to time but need to be anonymous. I thought maybe she was a distant relative or something. After a month or so she told me to let you live in one of my apartments and to make it affordable for you and she would pay the difference. She has every month since. I know I should have told you Sook. I just didn't know how."

Try as I might to stop them the tears fell. My tear ducts were nothing but lousy traitors. Why? Why did she do that? Is she keeping tabs on me? And why hadn't Sam told me? If she is a dangerous as he said he should have told me. I was so angry. I lashed out at my friend. I knew it was wrong but I was having a hard time thinking of anything but his betrayal.

"You should have fucking told me!" I hissed. "Let me get this straight; for two years you've known that a vampire, not just any vampire, but one that you say is especially bad has been keeping tabs on me. You've been spying on me for a vampire, Sam? How could you? And you call yourself a friend. Did the timing ever strike you as unusual? Did it occur to you that my husband was found with his throat practically ripped out? Are you so stupid that you didn't put two and two toget…," The last word caught in my throat. Of course he wasn't stupid. Of course he put two and two together.

I saw red.

"You son of a bitch! You knew, you knew all this time that Eric was alive and you never told me. You saw how miserable I was and you had the key to help me and you never did. God Sam, was it fun for you to watch? Did you get a good laugh at my expense?" I sat trembling with anger. I was so mad I thought my head would surely pop off and steam would shoot out.

"No, Sookie. Don't think that way, you can't think like that. Eric is not _alive. _He's dead. He's a God damned vamp and he'd kill you if he could. He'd drain you dry without a second thought. That undead _thing _is not your husband. If me keeping an eye on you kept them away, I was glad to do it. Of course it was hard to see you grieve but Sookie you don't know, you can't understand how bad they are!"

"You had no right to keep it from me, you had no right!"

I stood up, leaned over and slapped Sam hard across his cheek. It was already turning red by the time I stormed out of the restaurant. I stopped off and the Grab-it Quik on the way home and dug around in the dumpster for boxes.

8888

As soon as I got home, I started packing up my stuff. I didn't have a lot to go into the boxes, just some kitchen stuff and knick-knacks. I put each piece of silver jewelry on as I came across it. I must have looked like a blonde Mr. T. I sniggered. I guessed the whole thing with Sam hadn't set me back too far if I was still able to laugh at myself. I was mad for sure and what he did hurt like hell but wallowing wasn't going to get Eric back. I finished up packing what could fit in the boxes. I planned to bring Jason back with his truck for the rest. Once I cleared out I'd leave a note for Sam to find his own self. As far as I was concerned I was done with

Sam Merlotte. I don't care what self righteous reasons he had. He betrayed me in the worst way. He was a liar and a coward and I never wanted to speak to him again.

Once the boxes were loaded into my car I headed off to Jason's. I knew he would take me in no matter what the circumstances. Moving may turn out to be a blessing after all because I was sure I was gonna need my brother to help me through this. I stopped off at BJ's Liquor for a case of Bud. I let out a laugh when I saw the display for TruBlood. The damn thing was a cardboard cutout of a man with fangs wearing a cape. He looked like a damn fruit loop with a smarmy grin and greasy mustache. In his hands he held a scroll that said "_Coming Soon_". Under the picture of the impossibly idiotic fake vampire it said in some type of gothic writing '_The Synthetic of Choice for Felipe de Castro'. _Hmm, I guessed he was a real vampire after all. I left the store wondering who TruBlood used to do their marketing because I was certain I could have done a much better job picking someone to represent the undead and their stupid _synthetic of choice_…

8888

Jason met me at his back door. He must have heard me coming because I walked right into one of his brother-bear hugs. He may not be perfect but I couldn't imagine my life without him. I started to doubt my resolve to tell him what was going on. What if I was in danger, would telling him put him in harm's way too? But then I thought of how Sam's omission made me feel and I knew I could never do that to Jase. He may have had a different relationship with Eric than I had, but I knew he'd loved him very much. In high-school I'd heard the term 'brother from another mother' so many times I thought I was going to gag. They had the whole 'bromance' thing down pat for sure.

I put the beer in the fridge and gave Jason a choice, move now, story later or story now, move later. We decided to get going while it was light out and I was surprised that Jason didn't start grilling me for information. We worked in silence for the most part, and once the last of the crap was stored in some remote corner of his house, we sat down to have a beer and call for a pizza. There was only one place that would deliver way out there in the boonies and it sold pizza and pizza. Jason's house was pretty far out of town. The driver groused a bit until we provided a generous tip and a beer for the road, the beer being Jason's idea of course. After the driver left all smiley with the beer clutched in his fat fingers, Jason and I sat down to begin our pow-wow.

It was time to tell Jason the truth and I was nervous. I started shaking and Jason put his hand on mine and smiled at me with pizza sticking out in bits all around his teeth.

"It's okay, Sookie. What ever it is you can tell me. You know I'm all ears." He proceeded to grab the tips of his ears and pull them away from his head. He looked like a chimpanzee, or maybe George Burns. I laughed and felt a surge of relief. Most of the tension left the air and I let the truth fly.

"Remember the bar last night?" He nodded. "Well, I don't know how to tell you this…"

I started crying, of course. Jason saw my reaction and looked terrified. I could only imagine what he was thinking so I had to push forward through the tears.

"Jase, it's Eric. He is a vampire now."

There I said it, now for the reaction…

"Shut the fuck up, Sookie! Jesus, don't even joke about a thing like that."

He was furious at me. I shook my head so he would know I wasn't joking. I saw the recognition dawn in his eyes. Jase took a big breath, there was a lot of that going on that day.

"Really?"

"Really."

Jason sat in silence for at least 5 minutes. He didn't move or speak. Hell, I don't think he even blinked. After a while he put his head in his hands, I saw his shoulders shake and I heard him whimpering. I wanted so badly to hug him, to put my arm around him but I wasn't sure if I should interrupt him. After a minute he spoke without looking up. His voice was small and quiet but I heard him.

"Hell Sook, can't you see I need a hug here?"

So that's what I did.

After a good two minutes of old-fashioned hug therapy, Jason was ready with his questions.

"How do you know?"

"Well, I saw him. And I talked to him Jase." It felt kinda like I was telling him that Santa Claus was real. I saw my information as a gift of sorts. Cause in a strange way I got to give him his best friend back.

"How did he look? Did he bite you?" Jason's eyes gazed over my neck.

It was obvious he was looking for the tell-tale fang marks. I decided then not to tell him about Eric trying to eat me. I figured it wouldn't go over well with my protective big brother and all. In the end nothing happened anyway, so I wasn't too concerned about it.

I told Jason all about Pam and how freaky she was. I showed him my notes and all of the information I knew. He was worried about me and decided that he was the new co-chair of the 'Get Eric Back Committee" and thankfully, he forgave me for questioning Sam without him around.

A couple of times I had to push him back down into his chair to keep him from going after Sam. I admit I did consider letting Jason loose on Sam but then I figured in his state, being mad and a bit tipsy, that it would be a bad idea. Plus Sam was a shape shifter, and a big fat liar so I didn't put it past him to change into a pit bull or something and rip Jason's throat out.

Now, Jason isn't the brightest bulb but on occasion he floors me with his insight. Just as we were getting around for bed he said something that stopped me in front of the open ice box. I just stood there holding the pizza box looking like an I-don't-know-what.

"You know, I bet he's been watching over us. What do you think Sookie? I bet he's been watching us from afar to make sure we're okay. Kinda like the guardian angel we thought he was." He smiled and left for the restroom.

I felt the lump in my throat but I swallowed it down. Suddenly I wasn't so tired. I asked Jase if he wanted to go for a walk with me but he said he'd had enough for the night. I went to the door and slipped on my old worn sneakers that I saw there earlier. They were right there where I'd left them back when I'd lived with him. Maybe Jason knew I'd find my way back here eventually. I grabbed my sweater and made my way outside.

I walked by the pond and took a few minutes to reminisce about all the fun times spent here, everything from fishing with daddy and Jase to my _first _skinny dip with my Eric. So much had happened in my life so far. It was hard to believe I was only 22. I felt so much older. Not physically per se, but I felt wiser. I hoped my new found wisdom would help me in my pursuit of Eric and not steer me wrong.

Before I knew it I was almost to our oak tree. I had an eerie feeling that I wasn't alone. I looked around but didn't see anything. I was starting to spook myself out pretty good when I heard a wolf howl not too far off in the distance. That was all the reason I needed to head back to the house. I pulled my sweater tighter to my body and turned to follow the path back to the porch.

"Leaving so soon?"

I shouldn't have been surprised at the company given the circumstances of late but I hadn't expected to see the vampire so soon. I looked around but couldn't see the source of the voice.

"Where are you?" I squinted into the darkness.

I heard a rustling in our oak and a form sweep out of the tree. Next thing I knew Eric was standing in front of me, albeit keeping a healthy distance.

"You can fly?" I smiled at Eric, that was one awesome vampire trick.

Eric stepped forward into the moonlight, scrutinizing my body with his stare. Finally, his gaze met mine and I shivered, realizing I was close enough to see the blue of his eyes.

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Sorry for Eric's late appearance. I promise from here on out he is a major player in the story. There is a lot in store for our protagonists, but things will get better soon, I promise.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris**

_A/N: Have I said thank-you to all of the readers and kind reviewers? I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Thanks to my pre-reader __**Mazza666**__, I was worried about the timing of this chapter and she made me feel so much better, and my beta __**Northwoman**__ for her eagle eye. Without them this story would be so raw you'd need a tube of Desitin to read it. This chapter is dedicated to AoifeNZ, I hope I don't depress you with this one! _

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In the moonlight Eric's eyes were even more beautiful than I remembered. I could get lost in the blue. How do I describe Eric's eyes and do them justice? They were simply breathtaking. He could mesmerize me with a stare.

_**Four years earlier…**_

"_Sookie…"_

"_Sookie…"_

"_Sookie!"_

_I pulled my gaze away from Eric, I didn't want to at all but I remembered the importance of the moment and I reluctantly turned my attention to Pastor Savoy. I vaguely recall hearing laughter coming from the chairs that had been placed in rows around the old oak in Jason's back yard. From this moment on I would always think of it as our tree, Eric and Sookie's oak. I glanced at the trunk and could clearly see the _E + S = Forever_ carved into the wood from where I was standing before Eric and our guests. I heard Pastor Savoy clear his throat politely, I looked at Eric first then gave my attention once again to the Pastor. The laughter from the chairs died down and Pastor Savoy continued._

"_Are you ready to say your vows, Sookie?"_

_I heard a few more chuckles. I took a deep breath, smiled and looked at Eric. It took all I had to keep from losing myself in his eyes as I had done just moments before. His eyes took my breath away. Eric squeezed my hand and I began._

"_I love you Eric Northman. In some way I have loved you from the first moment I saw you. On some level you have always been my champion, my protector, my friend, my family, my love. You are all I ever wanted and all I will ever want. You are all I ever needed and all I will ever need. I will always honor you and your love and I promise to be your wife forever…"_

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Standing in front of Eric at our tree was difficult. I wanted to drag him over to the carving and ask him if he meant to break his promise. But that wouldn't have been fair. I had to be an adult about this no matter how much I wanted to scream or cry. It was obvious that my outbursts yesterday only put him off and I had no intention of doing that again.

"What are you doing here, Eric?"

His face fell. "Don't you want me here?"

"It's not that I don't want you here. I am glad you're here but after last night…" I didn't have to say more.

"I didn't expect to see you tonight; I was just… visiting the area."

Jason was right, Eric did check up on us. I felt better knowing that he cared enough to at least make sure we were ok.

"Do you do that a lot?"

"Once I was given permission I started coming as much as time permitted, but you have always been guarded Sookie. If it was not by me, than someone else was always around."

That thought gave me chills. To know that Jason and I were secretly guarded or stalked was a terrifying prospect and one I didn't think I appreciated.

"Why, Eric? Why would someone need to watch me or Jason? It doesn't make sense. Are we in danger?"

Eric's jaw tightened and I could almost see the wheels turning in his head. He was trying to decide if he should tell me or not. My Eric had never kept secrets. I pushed that thought to the back of my mind so I could concentrate on the moment.

"I don't know, I don't think so but I can't take that chance."

Well that was pretty cryptic. I guess one of the vampire lessons that Pam had given Eric was on how to talk without saying anything at all.

"So I guess you weren't going to come to the door tonight?"

"No."

"Why?"

At this rate we would be up until dawn. I needed to figure out how to pull Eric out of his shell. He was so closed off, even more so than last night. I wasn't sure I would be able to maintain my calm for much longer.

"I don't trust myself not to… hurt you."

Oh, God, how do I make this better?

"But I do… trust you. I know you would never hurt me." I smiled and took a tentative step towards Eric.

"Sookie, that's just… crazy." He smiled and I had a flash of my Eric. He was teasing me and I relished the moment.

I smiled and took another step closer. I half expected Eric to back away but he didn't.

"Oh, you know me, I'm just crazy Sookie."

I smiled even brighter and took another step, just one more after this and I would be within touching distance.

"I remember everything about you, Sookie. Even things I had forgotten in the past. You were never crazy. Silly? Yes. Impulsive? Maybe. But never crazy." He smirked.

I could see the tension in his body release. I took my last step and reached forward to take his hand. He let me but he didn't grasp my hand as I did his. He just let me hold it while he left his fingers limp. I didn't like it and it wasn't the reaction I was hoping for but it was something. And it was better than not touching him at all.

I scrunched up my nose and lips while I looked up at him still holding his cold limp hand.

"Silly? Me? I don't think so, Mr. Northman."

I feigned that I was insulted by his words but inside I was all butterflies and Mexican jumping beans.

Eric smiled at me and his fingers gripped mine just slightly.

"Oh, I know so, Mrs. North…"

Eric cut himself off. He'd almost called me Mrs. Northman. Was this a sign? Please let this be a sign. Just as I was about to feel really good about our conversation Eric pulled his hand from mine. And just like that he'd slammed the door and closed himself off again.

"That is still my name, you know. That you can't take back, I'll always be Sookie Northman."

I let my anger slip by my calm exterior. As soon as Eric started to back away, I regretted what I had said. He had never taken anything from me. Pam had taken something from me. I just had to keep my focus and not let my anger and hurt affect my time with Eric. He didn't leave so I took that as somewhat of a good sign.

"I'm sorry Eric; I know none of this is your fault. It's just so hard. I don't know how to talk to you anymore. I know you've changed and that what's done is done. But I still want to know you. Things don't have to be the way they were, I understand, but can't we figure this out together?"

Eric didn't speak so I continued.

"Look, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there can be no us, but how do you know unless we try?"

"I can't, we… can't."

"Okay, you say that and I ask why not? Is there some sort of rule against vampires and humans being involved?"

Eric laughed and the sound rumbled deep in his chest. I felt pretty good that I had managed to get a laugh out of him after everything. As long as I had moments like this with Eric I would never give up on him, on us.

"No, Sookie. There are no rules against involvement. But most of the relationships are nothing but blood and sex. There is no love between the couple."

"Ever?"

"Not that I have seen."

"Because vampires can't love?"

"No."

I had to ask. My mind was screaming NO! SOOKIE YOU TWIT, DON'T SAY IT! But one of my organs had to know. I'm going to blame the next question on my spleen.

"So you are telling me that as soon as you woke up a vampire you stopped loving me?"

Eric looked absolutely pained. I wanted to take my question back but it was too late. I guess I really did need to know. No matter what the answer I knew I could work through it. I just couldn't believe that Eric didn't love me anymore. I knew I was starting to sound like a stalker or broken record or something but I knew it. And I wanted more than anything for him to admit it to me. But more than likely he wouldn't.

So I waited.

And waited some more.

And when he still hadn't answered me, I took a good look at him, a really good hard look. What I saw hurt me but I knew how to fix it. I knew in my gut because, vampire or not, I knew Eric better than he knew himself. Call me high-handed but I took it upon my self to fix him.

So there he stood, my Eric, stoic and sad with his shoulders hunched forward like a broken man. He was unable to answer my question so he just stood there. And me being me, I used the only thing I had in my arsenal. I walked up to Eric Northman, vampire, and I put my arms around him and I squeezed. I squeezed him harder than I ever had before because I knew I couldn't hurt him but I wanted him to feel it. I put all of my love into that squeeze and I held him. And I felt it, I did. I felt the wall breaking.

Eric relaxed and finally returned my embrace. Soon he began to tremble and I feared that he was having some sort of breakdown but he didn't hurt me. He just held me and I held him. And it worked. He began speaking into my hair. It was odd but I didn't want to break the spell by pulling away.

"Sookie, I won't lie to you. I'll tell you the truth, though I don't know how it will change things. I never stopped loving you. And I love you still. Sometimes the intensity of my love feels like it will crush me. I waited for the day that I would stop feeling. I wanted to stop loving you but I couldn't."

I was crying but it was my tears of joy that I had promised myself. I had no delusions that things were perfect because they were far from it. But this was a start, and a damn good start it was.

"I tried too. I thought if I could just love you less, or not at all, that the pain would stop. But I couldn't. I even tried thinking of all the times you had ever made me mad but there weren't enough of those memories to make a dent in my love for you."

Eric's chest rumbled and I could feel it down to my toes.

"I was too perfect for you to ever get too mad at me."

"Are, Eric. You are too perfect for me to get too mad at you."

"God, Sookie how I wish that was true. But the last two years, I've done deplorable things."

I knew he had. He was a vampire. Don't think I hadn't wondered what he'd been up to and if he'd been with anyone else. I hoped that he'd stayed true but, according to him, he never thought he would be given the chance to speak to me again. I think I knew what the answer to the big question would be. He'd called me lover the night before and he had never called me that before. But by the way he'd said it, I could tell it was his go to phrase. That's why I didn't ask. Not that night. Not while things felt so good.

"So what now?" I asked into his shirt.

"I don't know, my Sookie; I've never done this before. And I am certain that Pamela will not be happy with my admission to you. She may even command me to stay away, but I don't know for certain since she knows I am here now. I don't want you to get your hopes up. No matter how we feel, it can't be the way it was."

"Why not, is it because of Pam?" I said her name like I was referring to something unpleasant that I'd found on the bottom of my shoe.

Eric could sense my hatred towards his maker. He pushed me back from him enough to look into my eyes. They were filled with anger or fear or a mixture of both. Either way it was not a look that I wanted to see in regards to my feelings about Pam. I had offended him by speaking about his maker and I was instantly jealous.

"You must never speak ill of Pamela. She is not as bad as you think she is. She has done things for you that you have no clue about and she did them for me. She is a good maker and she treats me with dignity which is more than I can say for some. She could have killed you last night but she didn't and don't think it was just because I asked. Pam is a noble and honorable vampire and that is quite rare in our circles. Do not pretend that you know anything about her simply because she turned me because you would be wrong."

"Do you love her?"

"No, I do not love her. But I do respect her and I care that she is safe. She is my friend, I guess."

I somehow doubted that Pamela Ravenscroft could be anyone's friend. And Eric's speech didn't make me hate her any less. If anything I hated her more. She's obviously brainwashed Eric into thinking she is some sort of vampire saint.

"Sookie, do not do anything against Pam. I don't think she would hurt you, but if you try something stupid she would have to protect herself."

"But how can we be together if she controls you?"

It sounded like she could take him from me anytime she wanted. I didn't want to walk on eggshells around her for the rest of my life. I really, really wanted her gone.

"She doesn't control me as much as it seems, I have pretty free reign to do as I please for the most part. Trust me, Sookie, she isn't that bad."

"But she killed you!" My voice was shrill. Eric winced and I wondered if I had hurt his super hearing ear drums.

"That she did. But after a while, I didn't mind being a vampire. In fact, I quite like it. And the last two nights it has only gotten better."

I was done with talking, at least for the night but I didn't want to let Eric go just yet. I wanted to be near him and just relax in his presence. Just some time for the two of us with no talking about the past or the future, or God forbid, Pam. I just wanted to be with Eric in the moment.

"You know, I was wondering. Does Eric the vampire like to snuggle as much as Eric the human did?"

"Only with you, Sookie, only with you."

So that's how Eric and I ended up under our tree. I tried to ignore the thoughts of creepy crawlies on the ground and pulled myself into his side. I put my head on his chest and ignored the absence of a heart beat. I was finally ready to let human Eric go. The moment was bittersweet as I mentally said good bye to the old Eric and squeezed closer to the new, colder, bionic version that really, truly wasn't so very different.

"Sookie, if I feel like I can't control myself I'll have to leave. If that happens I probably won't even say goodbye."

I wasn't sure if he was talking about blood or sex but I knew I wasn't ready for either. So if he had to leave then I pretty much understood and agreed that it was probably for the best.

"I'm that irresistible, am I?" I smiled into the side of his chest.

"You have no idea."

I felt my love for him swell and I briefly thought about testing his resolve but I remembered how it was a bad idea to tease human Eric and I could only guess what would happen if I'd attempted to tease Eric during our first snuggle in two years.

I fell asleep in Eric's arms and it was just as wonderful as I remembered. I woke up still in his arms as he carried me towards Jason's house bridal style. I felt silly in a way but I didn't dare tell Eric to let me down since I wanted to stay in physical contact with him as much as possible.

He deposited me on the porch and kissed me goodnight. It was a perfect kiss if a bit too chaste. I understood though so I didn't try to deepen it as much as I wanted to. And boy did I want to.

It was probably the snuggling and the kiss that made me do it. Whatever it was I was feeling pretty confident and brave as I said my goodbye.

"Goodnight, Mr. Northman." I smiled to my Eric who in my heart was still very much my husband.

"Goodnight, Mrs. Northman." Eric said before his face transformed into the biggest, cheeky grin I think I'd ever seen from him.

And even though his heart didn't beat, I knew that in it, I was still very much his wife.

* * *

I couldn't keep them apart any longer, believe me, I tried. Things won't be smooth sailing (Hello Pam) but at least Sookie knows where her man's heart lies.

I have decided to tell this story from Sookie's POV only. However, once Sookie has her 'what the hell have you been doing for the past two years' talk with Eric, I plan on writing a one-shot from Eric's POV describing his turning and the first two years leading up to talking with Sookie again. That way anyone that wants to read it can, but those that prefer the mystery can ignore it.

Chapter 7 is being tweaked and going to my beta soon. Chapter 8 is almost finished. I don't really have a set update schedule but I plan on at least one chapter a week, if not more. Thanks again for reading and if you chose to leave a review, I really appreciate it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris.**

_A/N: I am so happy at the response this story has received. Not only am I getting really sweet reviews but I have people adding this story to their favorites, that just blows my mind. Many thanks to my Beta, **Northwoman**, without her, this chapter would be filled with about 50 unnecessary 'thats'. Yes, my addiction to the word 'that' is bad, very bad. Big thanks to my pre-reader **Mazza666****, **I struggled with this chapter and she helped me get everything straight and back on course. I hope she doesn't mind me doing this but...CONGRATULATIONS! Her story 'Dark Side of the Light' reached over 1000 reviews today! She also posted the epilogue to her wonderful story so I'm sad it's come to an end, but I can't wait to see what she has in store for her readers next..._

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I woke up to the sound of bottles clinking in the distance. I was familiar with the sounds since I'd worked at a bar. _Liquor bottles. _. I looked at the bedside clock, 7:36 a.m. Hmm, Jason was hitting it a bit early, even for him. I can't say that I blamed him. He got some pretty big news the day before. I know if I'd had anything at the apartment after Eric and Pam left, I would have finished it off for sure. Not that it's right, but sometimes a numb mind is a good thing.

I was worried for Jason, none the less, so I got out of bed, put my robe over my Tweetie Bird pajamas and made my way into the kitchen. As soon as I opened my bedroom door, the smell of bacon hit my nose. _Mmm, bacon_. As wonderful as it smelled, I was pretty pissed at Jason for trying to fry bacon in an inebriated state. A grease fire is never a good way to start a day.

I picked up my pace but once I reached the kitchen, I halted in disbelief. There was Jason standing at the sink pouring out a bottle of Jose Cuervo. To his right were 5 or so bottles of various spirits with the lids removed and to his left was a trashcan. Bless his heart. Jase chucked the empty bottle of tequila into the trash and picked up the next in line and began to pour it out, too.

I walked up behind him and gave him a pat on the shoulder. I didn't say anything because really, this is his business and his demon. Truthfully, I was also afraid if I spoke I would break his resolve to finish the task. I started a pot of coffee since Jase gets his caffeine fix from Mt. Dew, and Mt. Dew in the morning is just plain yuck. I got my first look at the stove and was disappointed to see that it was bare. I looked around on the countertops and they were bare as well. I know I smelled bacon. I couldn't believe that Jase would fix breakfast for himself but not make any for me. Oh, well. I assumed he must have been in a fog and forgotten I was here. I went to the pantry to grab a box of cereal. _Cookie Crisp? Really Jason, are you 5__?_

I sighed and reached for the offending box of sugar and artificial flavors when Jason stopped me.

"Your plate is in the oven, sis. You didn't actually think I'd forget your breakfast, did you?"

He shook his head as he pulled the plate out of the oven. I felt bad, I should have known better. I'd done the same thing for him countless times when he slept in. I don't know why it didn't dawn on me that he would do the same. I guess my brain was in a fog that morning too.

"Oops, sorry Jase. I wasn't thinking, I guess."

"S'okay, sister Sookie." He laughed at himself. He was such a dork at times.

I gave him a reassuring smile before I dug into the plate of goodness in front of me. Jason was a pretty good cook. He had learned from the best, just like I had. When we were younger, our Gran would let us help her in the kitchen to keep us from being 'under foot' as she used to say. Gran moved in with us when I was 3. She was my grandma on my daddy's side. As soon as she moved in, she took over the cooking duties since she was so good at it. I suspect it also had something to do with the fact that my mom wasn't so good at cooking but Gran never made her feel bad about it or anything. She just did it and took pleasure in seeing her family sit down together to enjoy a meal she prepared. My Gran passed in her sleep a year and a half before my parents died in the flood. I imagine she welcomed them to heaven with open arms and a pecan pie.

"Jase, these eggs are perfect, mmm, so good!" I barely had my words out before I shoveled in another forkful.

"Easy there, Sook. That plate ain't going anywhere." He made a pig noise. "The secret is evaporated milk. Regular milk makes eggs kind of watery but evaporated eggs make them creamy and fluffy. Just don't buy sweetened condensed milk by mistake. That just makes the eggs taste like shit."

His little egg spiel proved to be a mistake on his part. That was just a little too domestic for me to pass up an opportunity to harass him.

"Okay there, Rachael Ray, whatever you did worked because these eggs are pretty _yummo_."

I knew that got his goat. He hates Rachael Ray. Back before I moved out, I used to spend a majority of my time staring at the television. Since I wasn't really paying attention to what was on, I would just keep it on Food Network. Jason would try to hang out with me and keep me company but he could never sit through any of her shows. If he did manage, he would just mumble through it. It was usually something along the lines of 'Why does she bother saying EVOO? She just explains what it is half the time anyway." My favorite one was, 'She's too happy, I bet she mainlines Pixie Sticks."

"How dare you Sook! Everyone knows I'm more Paula Deen." He said, before returning to his bottle emptying task.

I rolled my eyes and resumed eating the creamy, yet fluffy eggs with gusto. So far the morning was going pretty darn good, great actually. I suppressed the nagging feelings of doom that had a way of creeping into my mind when things are going too well. Not that I hadn't been given mighty good reasons to feel that way. But I was trying to change my attitude, so negative thoughts had no place in my mind anymore.

Jason left for work, we never discussed what he did that morning, it just wasn't necessary. I knew he was just as determined as I was to change our courses for the better and I had faith in him, like I knew he had in me. Jason isn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination but he is just about the best big brother a girl could have.

I spent a good part of the day organizing the mess that my stuff had created in the house. By the time I finished, it looked pretty good if not a bit too cluttered. I was hot and sweaty and entertaining thoughts of a hot shower when my phone rang. I debated ignoring it but I knew I couldn't avoid the call forever so I reined in my temper and answered.

"Hello."

"What the hell, Sookie! What did you go and move out for?"

Sam was angry, and I was angry at him for having the nerve to be angry at me. I really wanted to tell him where he could shove his phone, instead I went with neutral and to the point in my reply.

"I moved because I no longer wanted to live there. And while I have you on the phone I'll tell you now, I won't be back to the bar. I am sorry for the short notice but I am sure you can find a replacement soon."

"That's not what I wanted at all, you don't have to move. And you always have a job at the bar."

"Look, I didn't base my decision on what you want. I meant what I said, I don't want to see you again and I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't contact me, ever. I think we're done here."

"You don't know what you are getting yourself into, Sookie. You don't know Eric. He's a killer."

I should have hung up but I felt like it was my duty to defend Eric. I'd realized the night before that I was judging Eric and Pam pretty harshly at times just because they were vampires. I still hated Pam, I couldn't help it, but I saw that Eric wasn't so terribly different than he had been. He could feel, he could reason, and he knew the difference between right and wrong.

"Stop being a bigot, Sam. You of all people should understand being different. Eric is not a killer. He drinks blood but that doesn't mean that he's killed anyone he's fed from!"

I wasn't actually 100% positive about my last statement. But I just couldn't imagine Eric, vampire or not, killing anyone.

"That's where you are wrong. He has killed and he will kill again."

"What makes you so damn sure Sam?"

"I'm so damn sure because he's killed at least one shifter that I knew personally. Sookie, you need to forget Eric. Get your head out of your ass and listen to the facts. Pam is ruthless but she doesn't like blood on her hands, that's why she's got Eric."

My head was spinning. It couldn't be true.

"But Eric would never do that. You're wrong, you have him mixed up with someone else."

"God, Sookie you are so fucking naïve. You don't believe me? Fine, but your stubbornness is going to get you killed."

With that Sam hung up.

I needed to talk to Eric but it was still light outside. Plus, I had no idea how to contact him. I can't believe I forgot to get his cell number from him. Not being able to ask him was going to gnaw at me until it opened a big ol' gaping hole of doubt. If you asked me before I talked with Sam if Eric and I could make it work, I would have said 100% yes. But now I wasn't so sure. I hoped Sam was wrong but if he wasn't… I just couldn't wrap my mind around the idea of Eric as a killer. I kept telling myself that there were two sides to every story and that I owed it to Eric to hear his side of things. He'd said he'd done 'deplorable' things. Is that what he meant? Was he some sort of assassin for Pam or something? Maybe the people he killed were bad, or maybe he had to do it to protect Pam. I couldn't believe I was trying to justify the idea of Eric killing anyone. Maybe Sam was right, maybe I was naïve.

To try to get my mind off of things I went to get the mail for Jason. There wasn't much in the way of good browsing material; I was hoping for a Pottery Barn catalogue or something but there weren't any. There was one interesting envelope addressed to Jason that I had an urge to open for him but I didn't. I took the mail into the house and put the stack of bills and such on the kitchen table with the strange envelope on top.

I finally took a shower to clean off the day's worth of dirt and sweat. I didn't have any plans for the evening so I put on some comfy lounging clothes, which for me meant stretchy yoga pants and a t-shirt. Thinking I might try to watch a movie, I went searching for Jason to see if he'd made it home from work and wanted to join me. I found him in the kitchen looking at the mystery envelope.

"Are you thinking it is going to open itself?" I asked.

"I have a weird feeling about it, Sook. You open it."

Umm, okay. That was different. His hesitance made me feel weird about the mystery envelope and suddenly I wasn't so keen on opening it either. I took it anyway because my curiosity got the best of me. I just hoped I wouldn't end up like the proverbial curious cat.

Inside was a beautiful handwritten invitation. The calligraphy was perfect and the whole thing looked very important. I carefully read what it said and to be sure, I read it again. My heart sank. I threw the card on the table. Jason was chomping at the bit to know what it said, but he still refused to read it himself so I was forced to say it out loud.

"Well?"

"There is a new club opening in Shreveport, you've been invited to the Grand Opening this Friday."

Jason sighed in relief. I'm glad he felt better but it didn't help my state of morose at all.

"That's not bad at all. In fact, it sounds like fun."

He wasn't scared of the card anymore so he picked it up for himself and read through the details. It took him a while for the information to sink in. When he finally looked at me I could tell he knew why I was so upset. He seemed to be suffering from a loss of vocal ability so he put his hand on mine and gave it a squeeze.

Jason had been invited to the grand opening of the first vampire bar in Shreveport, LA, called Fangtasia. The name was incredibly stupid and I was positive they must've hired the same marketing company as TruBlood to come up with something that lame. I bet they even invited Felipe de Castro, smarmy mustache and all, to the opening to elevate the lame factor. It wasn't the stupid name of the club that had me so upset, though.

You are cordially invited to the Grand Opening of the first Vampire Club in Shreveport,

Fangtasia

Friday at 8pm

Dress to impress

As an honored guest, owners Pamela Ravenscroft and Eric Northman

look forward to celebrating their achievement with you.

I couldn't believe it. Eric had gone into business with Pam. That was our dream. Just when I thought Pam couldn't take anything else from me she did. What was she going to do next, have our baby too? It was really starting to anger me that Eric was so enamored of her. She was horrible and selfish but he seemed to look up to her. I didn't understand but then Eric hadn't lost out, since he was opening the club he'd always wanted. To say I was bitter was an understatement.

I figured a similar invitation sat in my mailbox at the apartment so Jason and I went to check. On the way Jason stayed silent but kept doing that annoying inhale thing that people do when they are about to speak. Except he never said anything, it was grating on my nerves so I took the initiative.

"Just say whatever it is you have to say, Jason."

"I was just thinking about you being upset with Eric for owning the bar with that Pam lady."

"Yeah, I am." I said.

"But, I think maybe you shouldn't be so hard on Eric. 'Cause if Pam is like you say maybe she forced him."

"I don't know if that makes a difference."

"Why not? He's like a kid vampire right? So I was thinking it would be like if you got mad at a kid because their mom made them do something."

"Yeah, I guess. I don't know, that seems like a silly excuse. Eric is a grown man."

"Not really, Sookie. He's a vampire. I think… I think you need to stop trying to make him human again."

Huh, was that what I was trying to do? I didn't think so. I knew he wasn't human and I had accepted it. I was moving forward, or at least I thought I was. I guess I did spend an awful lot of time comparing and trying to find more and more things that made him like he used to be. I don't know. I had never been so confused. I wished there was someone I could talk to for advice. Someone that this had happened to before, but, according to Eric, relationships like we were going to try to have are rare. It made me wonder how many vampires had never seen their former loves again. That thought made me sad for them. _I bet being a vampire is so lonely. _

I had an invitation of my own but mine was personalized, by Pam. It was exactly the same as Jason's but written in a frilly script that I could only describe as ultra feminine.

It read:

_Sookie,_

_You will attend, and you will dress nice. _

_You will be representing Eric and I, as Eric's escort._

_If you embarrass us, it will not bode well for you. _

_Regards,_

_Pamela Ravenscroft_

I couldn't believe the nerve of that woman, had she no shame? I was livid, maybe I didn't want to go to the damn grand opening. I certainly didn't like the idea of celebrating the opening of what was supposed to be my business with Eric. Not that Eric and I would have opened a vampire bar, but still. The cherry on top of the whole freakin' thing was the not so thinly veiled threat. _'It will not bode well for you.' _I even hated the way snotty way she talked.

Even so, I wanted to see Eric. I knew without her demand I probably would have ended up going on my own. Now I would be Eric's escort. The idea filled me with anticipation and dread.

8888

I received the invite on Tuesday and the party was Friday. I'd hoped to see Eric before then so I could talk to him about the opening, among other things. I wanted to know how he ended up in business with his vampire mom. Plus I really needed to get to the bottom of the whole 'Eric as a homicidal maniac' persona that Sam had somewhat successfully planted in my mind. Not to mention what he had been up to the past two years, sex wise. The more I thought about all the things that might have been going on over the last two years, the more upset I became. I was a nervous wreck and only Eric would be able to make me feel better.

Tuesday and Wednesday evenings passed with no word from Eric. I had a bad feeling that the next time I saw him would be Friday night at Fangtasia. That certainly didn't sit well with me. Talk about an awkward night. And Pam would be there too, just hovering and eavesdropping, or worse yet, standing between Eric and me, the entire night. Somehow I didn't put it past her to do something like that and I didn't want, or need, a chaperone.

There was a knock on Jason's door midmorning Thursday. Jase was at work so I answered. At the door was a short, rather snooty looking, blond man with a smirk on his face.

"Ms. Stackhouse?" He asked.

"It's Mrs. Northman." I corrected, I hadn't been called Ms. Stackhouse in years.

I disliked the man, immediately.

"I am confused. I have a package for one Ms. Stackhouse, you fit the description I was given." He said, leering at my chest.

"Stackhouse is my maiden name." I said, not trying to hide my annoyance.

The man seemed confused for a second before a look of recognition dawned on his face.

"Yes, I see, in that case, my name is Robert Burnum, I work for Pamela Ravencroft. I have a package for you."

My interest was piqued, for sure. He handed me the box, and I begrudgingly accepted it. I didn't want anything from that woman except my man back.

"Well, thanks I guess."

"It is an honor to receive a gift from Pamela Ravenscroft. You should be more thankful." He said, scolding me like a child.

Oooookay, the man's jerk factor jumped ten-fold. His voice when he spoke about Pam had an undeniable hero worship to it, or worse, deity worship. One thing was sure, this Robert Burnum fella was an asshole.

"Whatever you say." I replied, not in the mood to argue with the weird man on Jason's porch.

I rudely closed the door on the boob staring asshole, ignoring my upbringing, and took the offending box to the couch. I brought it to my ear, checking for any ticking or other tell-tale sounds of possible bombs. I didn't really think I would hear anything, but hey you never know.

I unwrapped the package carefully, once inside I removed the tissue to discover a dress, a rather beautiful dress, in fact. I was pleasantly surprised, if not still guarded. Under the dress lay a matching clutch and heels. As I looked over the gifts I noticed an envelope that had fallen to the ground. My temper flared, remembering the last note I'd received from Pam. This one didn't disappoint.

_Sookie,_

_I could not leave it to your judgment to dress appropriately._

_Wear this dress and accessories to the Grand Opening. _

_Regards, Pamela_

I was beyond mad and extremely insulted. It was obvious this woman thought very little of me. In truth, I didn't really care what she thought, but no one wants to be treated like an idiot. I was perfectly capable of dressing myself to go to a bar. I'd planned on wearing one of Eric's favorite dresses of mine, the white one with red flowers. I contemplated wearing it anyway, and to hell with Pam. That is until I looked at the dress she sent again.

It was a light silvery gray color strapless with a snug fitting bodice. The skirt had a series of tiers made out of soft tulle that draped perfectly to a few inches above my knees. It wasn't poofy or too girly but it didn't say 'I'm at a vampire bar' either. It was elegant and feminine and matched the clutch and pumps perfectly. After I tried the dress on, I realized it was the way to go.

I hated to admit it but Pam had good taste. As mad as I was at her high-handedness, I couldn't help feeling relieved that I wouldn't have to worry about wearing something inappropriate. The more I thought about my white dress, the more I decided it screamed 'vampire bait' and might make a better choice for a one on one evening with Eric.

I put the dress away and went to clean the kitchen. Cleaning helped me relax, which I needed to do desperately. My mind was swirling and none of the thoughts were comforting. Every time I thought about Eric, I would get a feeling in my stomach, and not the good kind. Gone were the butterflies and excitement at the idea of us being together, the feeling I had now was more like I had swallowed a boulder. My mouth was in a constant state of watering. That could only mean one thing, at some point I was going to vomit. In some ways, the way I felt now was worse than after Eric had died.

I never, ever had any doubts about Eric before, when he was human. I felt guilty at doubting our future, but so many things pointed to this being a bad idea. How in the world could I love a vampire, especially one with Pam as a maker? She controlled him like her puppet, that much was obvious and I sure as hell didn't want to be her puppet too.

In the end, I did throw up. The tension in my body had been too much for me to handle. Afterwards I felt a bit better but I decided the only way to make my mind stop was to take a nap. I took a Xanax and lay down, it didn't escape my attention that it was the second time I turned to pills to keep my mind off of the situation. Was I running from the situation, from my feelings? Yes. Did I care enough to throw the bottle of pills away? No.

Jason shook me awake a few hours later.

"Sook, that Pam woman is at the door." Jason said, his fear evident.

"Ok, tell her I'll be right there. Don't invite her in or even look her in the face for that matter."

So far, neither vampire had been able to glamour me but I didn't know if Jason was immune as well. Luckily for me Jason didn't argue. He didn't like for me to tell him what to do but under the circumstances he must have felt like I was some sort of authority on vampires and just took my word for it.

I splashed some water on my face and fixed my pony tail. I looked at my clothes, sweat pants and a Bon Temps high school tee-shirt, oh well, it would have to do.

I found Pam sitting on the porch swing. She was dressed to the nines, of course. She wore a fitted, button up shirt tucked into a pencil skirt, she accessorized with a wide leather belt and matching pumps. She exuded sex appeal and death, what a combination. I took in my outfit one more time and sighed.

"What can I do for you, Pam?" I asked.

"I need to speak with you about Eric." She replied.

Her tone scared me, she sounded determined and I just knew that she had changed her mind about me seeing Eric. Well, she had another thing coming if she thought that would be the end of things. I might not be too sure if things would work right now but I sure as hell wasn't going to let her make that decision for me and Eric.

She patted the space next to her on the swing. I really didn't want to sit next to the mistress of death but I didn't have a choice since that was the only other place to sit on the porch. I sat next to her but I placed my back against the side railing so I could face her more directly. I also pulled my knee up into the swing between us. Not that it would make a difference if she wanted to grab me but it made me feel slightly better about our seating arrangement.

"Is everything ok?" I asked, dubiously.

"No Sookie, everything is not ok, as you say. My child is in love with a blood bag." The words dripping off her tongue like venom.

Her words stung. Her disappointment rolled off of her in waves. She was upset that her child could love something that only amounted to dinner to her. But she had no idea what Eric and I had before she came along.

All of my feelings; the confusion, the anger, the hurt, the loss, rushed to the surface and try as I might to keep them smushed down inside they spewed forth from my lips.

"A blood bag! I am not a blood bag! I am human and so was Eric before you came along. What we had was perfect, and you took it! You murdered my husband and turned him into some sort of slave to you. Of course he loves me, we are soul mates, we were always meant to be together and you will never come between us!" I yelled, fury burning behind my eyes.

If I'd had a stake, I would have lunged for her in that moment. I would have killed her and that would have been the end of it and Eric would be mine again, fully. But I didn't have a stake, or the reflexes to move even one centimeter away from Pam before she had me pinned against the outside of the house by my shoulders.

"It appears you don't want to live, let alone see Eric again, if you think you can talk to me like that. I suggest you reign in your emotions, human. It would give me great pleasure to kill you for the disrespect you have shown me."

She let me down, adrenaline the only thing keeping me from falling to my knees. I was terrified but still determined. If it was my fate to die on that night then I would regardless of my words to her.

"Then why don't you? Why not kill me if you despise me being with Eric so much?"

"It is not my wish to cause Eric grief. But make no mistake, Eric's love for you is not a free pass.

I will kill you if necessary."

She didn't wish to cause Eric grief? Did she care for Eric? I found it hard to believe she had a caring bone in her body. I believed her when she said that she would kill me if she needed to and I didn't want to die by her hands. So I went against my grain and made the decision to do as she said and reign in my emotions, for the moment at least

More than ever I couldn't see how a relationship with Eric would work with Pam calling all the shots. With my new resolve, I dared to ask another question, and this one was a biggie.

"So what now?" I asked.

"You surprise me, Sookie. I thought I would have you running for the hills by now." She raised an eyebrow to me.

"I'm not a quitter."

"That pleases me. You will need your determination if you are to be Eric's paramour."

"I am more than his paramour, Pam. I am his wife."

I kept the anger out of my words and simply stated them as fact.

"In your heart only, Sookie, when he became vampire, you ceased to be married."

If she was baiting me I wasn't going to fall for it.

"So what now?" I asked again.

"Now you listen to me and keep that pretty mouth of yours closed." She smirked. "I have decided, for now at least, to allow Eric to see you in a personal capacity. However there are rules you must follow. I have already spoken to Eric and he has agreed in order to see you again."

I felt a little bit better knowing that Eric had already agreed to whatever it was that she was going to say. I didn't like the idea of rules for me and Eric, but I would at least listen before I made any judgments.

Pam continued. "First and foremost, Eric's top priority will always be vampires, or more precisely, me. You and your needs will always come second."

My chest tightened. I had always placed Eric first in my life and he had done the same for me. I couldn't imagine him agreeing to that. I forced myself to remain silent.

"Furthermore, when in the presence of other vampires you will appear as Eric's pet."

I bristled. I'd had enough, there was no way I was going to be Eric's pet. The idea sounded horrible to me even if I didn't know all the details. I didn't have to know them to know I wouldn't do it. I started to speak but Pam stopped me.

"Don't do it, Sookie. Listen to me before you make a mistake."

I bit my lip and nodded.

"You are not a pet in any sense to Eric. He loves you and respects you. This is for appearances sake only. Vampires do not respect others that hold humans in high regard. If others knew of your true relationship, it would be dangerous to Eric. He would appear weak, and in turn I might appear weak for allowing such a relationship. I cannot allow this.

"You share a last name so we will not keep your previous relationship a secret but it will appear that you have simply accepted your place as Eric's human. I think it's best that way.

"Protocol dictates that while in the presence of others you are not to look vampires in the eye which includes Eric. You must never speak unless spoken to first and you never walk in front of Eric or otherwise turn your back on him. Also, you must call me mistress and Eric, master.

"As Eric's maker you will show reverence to me, even in private. I will not put up with insolence and I will demand that Eric punish you if you disrespect me. However when no one else is present, humans included, you may call me Pam. Consider it an honor."

I stifled an eye roll. Pam was really too much. I had never met anyone so self absorbed.

"I believe that is enough information for now."

Pam started to walk towards her car and I followed. She turned towards me once she reached her vehicle.

"So the decision is yours, Sookie. If you can handle this and want to be with Eric, I expect you to arrive tomorrow ready to comply fully. If you do not feel it is something that you can do then simply stay home tomorrow. Personally, I'm not convinced you can do it but Eric has placed his faith in you."

I stopped Pam before she opened her car door. I couldn't believe what I was about to do, I swallowed my pride and even though I felt all kinds of nasty doing it, I spoke.

"Thank you for the dress, Pam. It is lovely." I smiled, albeit weakly.

Her expression softened. "You're welcome, Sookie. You know, I understand your apprehension. This situation isn't ideal for any of us but I have those I have to protect. I hope you decide to attend tomorrow… for Eric."

Pam climbed into her vehicle and left without another word. I was surprised by her admission and her sincerity. Hearing her speak of protecting people and her obvious concern for Eric placed a tiny seed in my mind that maybe she wasn't as bad as she seemed. Maybe.

I went back inside to contemplate my next move. I had to decide if I could live with the 'rules' that Pam put in place in order for me to see Eric. I had about 24 hours to decide and a lot of thinking to do.

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No Eric in this chapter, _I'm really sorry_, but I couldn't just squeeze him in there gratuitously could I? I promise Eric is all over chapter 8. Until then, I'd love to hear what your thoughts are on this chapter, even if it did depress you (Sorry AoifeNZ, I'm trying, I swear!)


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris. **

_A/N: I would like to say how truly humbled I am by your reviews. Thank you. _

_I've changed the category on this one from Drama to angst. Let's face it, this puppy is pretty sad. But I do promise it will get better. So I hope the new category doesn't scare too many of you off. _

_Special thanks to **Northwoman**, my beta, and **Mazza666**, my pre-reader. _

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I took in my reflection, I looked pretty damn good. The dress fit perfectly and the shoes and clutch Pam had chosen for me to wear complimented it nicely. I was a vision in monochrome. I decided to pin the front of my hair back with a simple barrette that blended in with my hair color. The only sparkle I added to the ensemble came from the diamond tennis bracelet Eric had given me for our first wedding anniversary, and my platinum wedding band, of course. I decided against wearing a necklace, I didn't think it would be a good idea to draw attention to my neck.

_You are a stupid girl, Sookie Stackhouse, a stupid girl in love. _

An hour before, I hadn't known if I would be going to the grand opening. The decision was hard. I wanted to be with Eric but the idea of the rules and acting subservient to him made me furious. I honestly didn't know if I would be able to do it. Pam had said for me to make my decision and show up if I was willing to comply. But I intended to use the night as a test for myself. I figured if I could get through tonight playing dutiful pet, then I could handle all things that came with being Eric's again. I didn't know if I would pass my test but I loved Eric enough to try.

I looked at my reflection one more time, kissed my wedding band and walked into the front room. Jason was pacing, holding up two different ties.

"Which one, Sookie?" He asked, holding the ties for me to see.

"I like the red one, Jason, but I don't think you'll need it."

"No?" He asked, confused.

"Nah, I think you look really good with just the jacket. The tie might be too much. Maybe just put it in your pocket. If you feel you need it once we get there, you can put in on."

Jason hated ties and dressing up. He was nervous enough knowing he would see Eric for the first time in an hour and I didn't think he needed the extra stress of being uncomfortable.

"Ok, I can do that." He smiled, placing the tie in the pocket inside his jacket.

He really did look nice. He'd dressed in a navy suit with a crisp white shirt. It was classic style and he was classically handsome.

After Jason called me a knock-out and hugged a few of the nerves out of me, we headed to Shreveport. We rode in silence. Jason didn't even bother with the radio. I was thankful because he was a country music fan all the way, me, not so much.

My nerves hit me full force once I saw the Shreveport exit. I started shaking so bad I had to put my hands under my butt to stop the trembles.

"Relax Sookie, everything will be fine. I know you're nervous but you can't let 'em know. You have to be cool and calm… like me."

I looked over to Jason; he did look cool and calm. I wasn't quite sure where he had come up with the strength to hide his apprehension but it was gone, at least outwardly.

"Aren't you nervous?" I asked.

"I'm scared shitless." He replied with a huge grin.

"God, how are you doing that; how can you look so calm?"

"I'm not drunk if that's what you're thinking. I'm just repeating a mantra in my mind." He said, big grin still in place.

"Well, spit it out, I need some help here." I pleaded, quite shocked that Jason even knew what a mantra was.

"Never let 'em see you sweat. It's what Eric and I used to say before games back in school."

Eric and Jason had played together on the high school football team. They hardly ever won a game, but I was at every single one of them.

Jason continued. "Yeah, we knew there was a big chance we would get our asses kicked, but we didn't want to show fear to the other team. It always worked back then. I figured I'd give it a try."

"Hm." Was all I could muster before I set about repeating the phrase in my own mind.

Wouldn't you know, it worked. By the time we reached the turn in to the club, I had stopped shaking. I was still nervous but all outward indications were gone. I'd even managed to find a smile similar to Jason, though not quite as goofy.

I was surprised to see that the club was in a strip mall, next to a Toys R Us, no less. The parking lot was pretty full but we managed to find a spot big enough for Jason to park his truck. As I made to open my door Jason stopped me.

"Do you think he'll be happy to see me, Sook?" Jason asked, his worry finally coming to the surface.

"I know he will. He told me he missed you. You're still his brother, Jase."

The look of relief on Jason's face was bittersweet. I had no idea if Eric was interested in being friends with Jason or not. We'd never discussed it. I hadn't asked Pam either. I felt pretty selfish that I hadn't taken Jason into account during the times I'd spent with the vampires. I had hope though since he'd received an invitation to the opening. I prayed Jason wouldn't be leaving at the end of the evening disappointed.

We made our way to the line to get in. There were quite a few people waiting and I was shocked at their appearance. No one was dressed like Jason and me. No one. Every one in line looked to me like rejects from a Marilyn Manson video. We were standing in a line of black fishnets and body piercings. We stood out like a pair of sore thumbs.

I scanned the entire line taking in everyone's clothes, when I noticed the door man looking at me. Once he had my attention he crooked his finger in a motion for us to head to the front of the line. _Never let 'em see you sweat, never let 'em see you sweat. _

The door man's fangs were fully distended by the time we'd made it to the front. He had shocking red hair, like Carrot Top and I had to suppress a laugh at the mental image that popped into my head. I didn't think vampires appreciated being laughed at and this one already looked like he wanted to have us for dinner.

"Identification, please." Red sneered.

We handed over our I.D.'s and the vampire immediately removed his cell from his pocket and began dialing. I wondered what the heck he was doing and why he wouldn't just let us in the door. A second later I had my answer.

Pam appeared, looking stunning. She was wearing a silky red sheath dress that hugged her figure. She was shorter than me by a few inches and her body wasn't as curvy as mine (something I knew Eric loved about me) but she made me feel inferior in every way. Her silver heels had to be at least 5 inches making her a bit taller than me for the evening. I wondered briefly if it was intentional. She wore her hair stick straight and it shined like glass. She looked truly gorgeous, God how I hated her.

"I must say I am pleasantly surprised, Sookie." Pam said.

'_You and me both' _I thought. I'd filled Jason in on all of the so-called rules earlier in the evening so he wasn't surprised at how I responded. I averted my eyes, gave myself a few mental 'never let 'em see you sweats' and replied to Pam.

"You look lovely, Mistress. Thank you for the invitation; we are happy to be here." I said with a smile.

Pam gave me a quirk of the eyebrow and I think she may have almost smiled, if the tiny movement at the corner of her mouth was any indication. At any rate, my words didn't piss her off so I guess I had passed the first test as Eric's new 'pet'.

I hated to say it but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I didn't like it, by any means, but I didn't throw up on Pam while choking on the words or run screaming 'I'm no one's pet' into the night. I figured if I could keep social interactions with other vampires to a minimum, I just might be able to play the game.

"Follow me, Sookie, Jason." Pam directed.

Once we were inside I gave the decor a once-over. It was bad, very bad, and not in a good way, if you know what I mean. The walls were black and gray with red accents. Everything was glass and acrylic. It looked like a bad 80's porn set or something. It wasn't Eric's tastes at all and I felt bad that he had to be involved with it.

Pam spoke to Jason. "You need to go have a drink or something while I talk with your sister alone."

"Uh, okay ma'am. Er, Mistress." Jason stammered. God bless him, he was trying.

Pam escorted me to what appeared to be her office. I was surprised by her decorating style. The walls were rose pink and adorned with prints of flower covered meadows and nature scenes. Her desk was simple, and placed in front were two chairs upholstered in paisley fabric in pastels. They were soft and feminine. Two words I would never use to describe Pam. A couch took up space along one of the walls, it was covered in a pretty floral pattern in complimentary colors. All in all, her office was beautiful, something you'd expect to see in a decorating magazine.

"Have a seat." Pam said.

"Thank you… Pam."

"I think you'll find I am not quite as bad as you believe me to be. Regardless, we need to get along for Eric's sake. I am glad to see that you decided to attend. Eric is thrilled." Pam smiled.

She was like a completely different person. I started looking around the room for the pod that she'd climbed out of. This was not the Pam Ravenscroft I knew, this was body snatcher Pam.

"Oh, don't look so shocked. I can be pleasant. You are important to Eric, in turn you are important to me. I can't have you scared of me all the time, if you are going to be with my child."

The way Pam said child made me shiver. I wondered how his real mother would have handled the situation? I doubted Mrs. Northman would have left the room alive. As nice as this Pam appeared to be, she was still the vampire that had killed my husband. I didn't trust her at all.

"I'll give you to Eric in a minute, I just needed to make sure you were up to the challenge Sookie. It appears you are even though I can smell your fear. Please try to calm down. I can control myself but you must know that the smell of fear is quite delicious to vampires."

I took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself further. Apparently the mantra I'd been reciting wasn't enough to keep the sweet, sweet smell of fear at bay. _Oh, God Jason!_

"Jason!" I cried, a little too loudly.

"Jason is fine. I didn't detect his fear and he is with Eric as we speak. If he were in trouble, I would know."

She reached across the table and patted my hand with her cold dead fingers. I'm surprised to say the shock of the gesture brought me out of my panic about Jason.

"So, they will be allowed to be friends?" I asked, the hope apparent in my voice.

"Of course, with the same set of standards as you have. It is Eric's wish."

"Oh, great, I'm glad. That makes me happy. I was worried that Jason wouldn't be allowed to see him. It would have broken his heart." I said, rambling about the situation.

"I think it is safe to let you onto the floor. Eric will escort you, he'll be here in a second." Pam said as she closed her eyes briefly. She never blinked so I was curious to know what she was doing. Did she have a headache? Do vampires even get headaches? Before I got too lost in my inner ramblings there was a slight knock on the door. I turned in time to see Eric enter the room.

Va-va-va-voom. Be still my heart. I'm pretty sure the moment I laid eyes on Eric, my ovaries exploded. He looked really good. He was wearing a black suit that was tailored to show off his incredible body. The dark red shirt looked wonderful against the paleness of his skin. He'd left a few buttons undone and I could see the long sensual lines of his neck and collar bone and the glint from a platinum chain but the pendant was hidden from view. He was sex on a stick; he always had been as far as I was concerned.

Eric started walking towards me as I stood up. I had every intention of walking up to him and giving him a hug but I stopped when I saw him halt his steps. He'd stopped in place and inhaled the air, deeply. His eyes dilated and his lids closed slightly. It was a look I had seen plenty of times, but never to this degree. He looked like he wanted to take me on Pam's desk. To be frank, seeing him like this turned me on as much as it scared me. I heard Pam laugh behind me.

"We can smell that too, Sookie."

I felt the immediate heat of my blush start on my chest and rise up my neck and face. As soon as it hit my hairline, I wanted nothing more than for the earth to open up and swallow me whole. I tempted a look at Eric, afraid to find him being restrained by Pam in a state of blood lust again. To my surprise he looked rather controlled, if not a bit embarrassed.

"Well, you can't say that I don't still want you, Sookie." Eric said, his lips forming a wide grin.

"No, I guess not." I whispered.

"Don't be embarrassed, you look and smell beautiful. Like the sunrise and a field of wildflowers, dear one." Eric said.

Dear one…The endearment was sweet. He always had the best names for me. Well, except the night he called me lover. That definitely wasn't a favorite of mine.

"I saw the fear in your eyes, Sookie. I would never hurt you, I can control myself around you, don't worry." He said.

He was telling the truth, he believed he could control himself but I had seen his reaction to my blood on the first night. I didn't want to contradict him in front of Pam but I saw her holding him back that night, I know she kept him from hurting me.

"But what about the other night? What about my blood?" I asked meekly. I hated doing it but I had to know.

His eyes closed in thought taking a breath before speaking. It was totally unnecessary and I wondered if he was aware that he'd done it.

"I was emotional from speaking to you after so long. Seeing you fall and then smelling the blood, it was too much for me in the moment. I wanted to go to you to help you, to heal you. And yes, to taste you. But I would not have hurt you, I swear." He pleaded.

"Are you sure, because you looked pretty hungry?" I smiled to try to lighten the weight of my words. I didn't want him to feel bad.

"He is speaking the truth, Sookie." Pam said from behind us.

Even though I didn't like Pam's involvement in out relationship I believed her words. The relief I felt was immediate. I had been so worried about us spending time alone together so knowing he could control his desire for my blood made me feel worlds better.

"He is a magnificent vampire, Sookie. His control is that of a vampire much older. I do not worry for your safety." Pam spoke, her words filled with her admiration of Eric.

"I'm not surprised. He was a pretty wonderful human too." I said as I smiled at Eric.

I closed the distance between us and put my arms around his waist. He closed his arms around me and hugged me into his body. I could feel the hardness of his physique and wondered if it wasn't me that would actually have a hard time maintaining control.

Regretfully Eric pulled away from me but he didn't go far. He took my hand and led us to the door.

"It would be my honor if you would escort me to the floor of the club, Sookie." Eric said with a wink.

"It would be my pleasure, Eric."

Eric placed his hand on the small of my back as soon as we left Pam's office. Just as the door closed behind us I heard her voice. What she said broke my heart.

"Sookie, you can't wear your ring."

Eric took my left hand and examined it. He squeezed my fingers and I felt the tears forming. I couldn't take off my wedding ring, I'd worn it 24 hours a day 7 days a week since he'd put it there. She might as well ask me to remove my left eye; it would hurt just s much, even more. Before I could reply, I was pulled into another office.

This one was definitely Eric's, I could tell it was his taste but I couldn't see too many details through the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes. Eric pulled me into a hug.

"Don't cry, Sookie. Please don't cry. I don't want you to take it off either. But you must, no one can know that I care for you like that anymore."

"But why?" I sounded like a child, truth be told I felt like one too. A confused, hurt, child.

"Because a pet wouldn't wear a wedding ring." He said, the sadness in his voice breaking my heart further.

Hearing Eric refer to me as a pet cut me to the bone, even if it hurt him to say it. Having to remove my ring was too much to bear. In that moment I lost my will to be there, to try to be with Eric.

"I don't think I can do this, Eric. I don't like the secrets we have to keep. Everything that you and Pam have told me so far makes me think that being with you will get me killed just by looking at someone cross-eyed. Or worse, get you killed if I don't act right. What if I screw up? I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I want to do it." I said, managing to keep my voice low enough to keep our conversation private.

"I wouldn't let anyone hurt you or me, and more importantly, Pam wouldn't let that happen either. You are going to have to put a little faith in me Sookie. This is not ideal by any means. Pam is breaking just about every one of her personal rules to let us be together but for it to be successful we both have to make some sacrifices. Being with you is worth the sacrifices I have to make. I hope you'll feel the same." He dropped my hand and looked away.

I'd hurt Eric with what I'd said. I knew he wanted this, wanted me. And I wanted to tell him that I could make the sacrifices too but I didn't know if I could. I was scared and angry. He was asking me to make a huge commitment on blind faith. I'd been told how to act around vampires but I was still confused as to why. How many sacrifices were Pam and Eric expecting me to make? I had to know before I could give Eric the answer he wanted to hear.

"How can I agree if I don't know what I'm agreeing to, Eric? You know me better than that. I need some facts here."

My answer appeased Eric enough that he grasped my hand again. He pulled my body into his and spoke into my ear.

"Spend the night with me Sookie and I promise I'll tell you everything you need to know. You can ask questions and I'll answer all I can. We'll make the decision together like we used to. How does that sound?"

The feel of his lips brushing against my ear was distracting. He felt so good. I liked the idea of getting all of my questions answered but I was hesitant to be alone with him. I wasn't worried about him killing me as much as I was worried about being able to stand my ground. I felt our talk would go better in a public place or at least somewhere I would be less likely to jump him. In his home, I would be too tempted to fall into bed with him.

"Can you behave?" I asked.

"I can, I think the real question here is, can you?" He laughed lightly into my ear and I shivered.

I giggled. "I can, I promise."

Eric squeezed me tight before letting me go. I sighed at the loss of his body pressed to mine.

"I have faith in us, Sookie. We'll work this out." Eric said.

He smiled again before leaning down and kissing me. It was a real knee knocker and I began to doubt my ability to refrain from jumping his bones right then and there. His lips were cool but felt electric against mine.

All too soon he broke the kiss and pulled away from me. Instead of going out to the party he reached into his collar. He pulled the chain I'd seen earlier free from the confines of his shirt and hanging from the chain I saw Eric's wedding band. I'd noticed he wasn't wearing it the first night I saw him again. I assumed at the time that he'd lost it or tossed it with the trash.

He reached for my hand and slipped my ring off of my finger. I started to tear up again so Eric shushed me with a sweet kiss. Once he was satisfied that I was better, he removed his band from the chain and replaced it with mine. He placed his band in my palm and closed my hand around it.

"There were times I had to keep it out of sight but I always had this with me. It would honor me if you wore it, as I wear yours. I'll buy a suitable chain, but for now place it somewhere safe. There will be situations where you will need to hide it as well but we'll talk about that tonight."

I was overwhelmed by the gesture. "Of course I'll wear it Eric. I love you; I'll wear it always." I said as placed the ring in the little zipper pocket in my clutch.

Eric leaned in and whispered his love to me. It was sweet and sexy but I felt a bit hurt thinking he did it for the sake of privacy. Would he ever profess his love to me in front of others again?

He took my hands and pulled my arms out to my sides so he could take in my outfit. I felt the blush creep back into my cheeks. It didn't take much when it was Eric doing the looking.

"You are a vision, Sookie. I will enjoy showing you off. I suspect your charms will not go unnoticed by others. You need to stay by my side. If anyone asks, I am going to claim you as mine. I didn't think you would mind but I wanted to warn you."

"I understand, I guess. Well as much as I can. And of course I'm yours, I've always been yours, as you are mine." I explained.

"Now for the hard part," Eric furrowed his brows. "I know how proud you are and I admire that in you, just as I always have. But because you are human, you will not be considered my equal, so you have to act accordingly. This is not my wish, but this is how it must be. I may give you commands if necessary. If I do, you must do as I say." Eric looked properly guilty as he spoke.

He knew what he was saying went against everything in my being. I was independent and always had been. Eric and I had always been equals in everything we did. I would have given Eric a piece of my mind and then some if he hadn't looked so guilty. Even so, I wasn't happy and my bitch slipped a little.

"Am I even allowed to speak?" I snapped.

"Of course."

"Great." I said sarcastically.

"However, when we are in the company of other vampires only speak if spoken to directly and only to me if you need something."

"Oh, this is going to be some fun." I said getting bitchier by the second.

Pam told me essentially the same thing about vampire-pet etiquette so I knew it was important. I planned on behaving myself even if I wasn't sure how successful I'd be. Eric must have sensed my apprehension at being able to be his 'pet'.

"Sookie, can you handle this? Can you do this for us?" Eric pulled my hands towards his chest as he spoke.

I realized I wasn't looking at this from all angles. All I'd thought about was how this was affecting me and it was obvious having to ask this of me was hard for Eric. He didn't want this anymore than I did. Knowing he felt that way gave me the courage to swallow my pride. It was worth it, for him.

"I don't like it. I feel awful about it but I'll do it for you, for us." I grabbed Eric around his waist and he returned my hug.

"Let's do this then." Eric said as he straightened out his suit.

He looked very handsome. Looking at him sent a familiar tingle to my girly bits. I realized at that moment there wasn't a woman in the club that wasn't going to be checking out my man. I wanted to grab him and kiss him and rub myself all over him to mark my property.

We made our way into the main area of the club. All eyes turned to us and I felt a burst of pride mixed with fear. I was on the arm of the best looking man here, and he was the owner of the establishment, I felt like a celebrity.

Eric escorted me to a corner booth. I was relived to see we wouldn't be on display. I slid in and Eric slipped in next to me and placed his hand on my knee giving it a squeeze. The tingling in my nether regions started up again. What this man could do to me with one touch was supernatural in itself.

Eric leaned into my ear. "I'm glad to know you are still just as turned on by me as I am by you." He said as he took my hand and placed it on his very happy and very hard gracious plenty.

I sucked in a breath. It was turning out to be quite a night.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris. **

**A/N: _Surprise Update! _**_I wasn't planning on updating until Saturday but the hubby just surprised me and our son with a weekend-long 'staycation' at a local hotel with an indoor water park. How wonderful is he? Speaking of wonderful...Uber-thanks to **Mazza666 **and **Northwoman**, my pre-reader and beta, respectively. _**_As always- thanks so much to my readers and reviewers! _**_I wish you knew how much it means to me that you feel so strongly about this story. Even if some of you want me to kill Pam (LOL). _

_And now, a night at Fangtasia...  
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I kept my hand on Eric's package for a fraction of a second, okay, more like the better part of a minute. It had been so long since I had touched him in an intimate way that I let my hand linger. I knew it was wrong, since we were in public, but suddenly my mind was swamped with dozens of memories of lazy Sunday afternoons making love and raucous Friday nights of monkey sex.

I let go of Eric after I came to my senses.

I was highly embarrassed at the idea that we had done such a thing around the prying eyes of the local vampires. They already thought of me as Eric's pet, now I was a wanton hussy to boot. _Hello, it's nice to meet you; I am Sookie Northman, hooker pet to Master Eric Northman! _

The sheer audacity of Eric's actions surprised me. Did he really want me to be seen like that?

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked through gritted teeth.

Eric looked around before he bent to my ear to reply. He certainly didn't look sorry, actually he looked highly amused to me, and at my expense too.

"I simply couldn't resist, my dear. Only you can get me this hard." He said, giving me quite a wicked grin.

I leaned in so I could get as much privacy as possible. I didn't want anyone to hear what I was about to tell Eric, and not because it was going to be extra naughty. Nope, if he was going to talk that way all night I was going to leave.

"Don't you talk nasty to me, Eric. Oops, sorry, _Master,_ 'cause I won't stand for it. Gran would be rolling in her grave if she heard you right now. You should be ashamed, trying to get me to sex you up in public. Is this who you are now? All nasty talk to your _pet, _because if it is, I'm leaving, I have made so many adjustments for you and you're making a mockery of me, of us. I won't have you this way, I won't."

His whole demeanor changed, his back stiffened and his hands balled into fists, all the while his face remained a blank mask. I was just too mad to be scared. No matter how dangerous the man in front of me was I was not going to back down. Sookie 'I'm Every Woman.' Northman was back in full force, vampire protocol be damned!

"Sookie."

That was all he said. _Sookie. _ Not, Sookie, I am going to kill you now, or, Sookie, I humbly beseech you to forgive my transgressions. Just…Sookie.

The fact he had nothing to say made me even more upset. Our entire future rested upon his reply and he said…nothing.

"Well?" I asked, simply because I couldn't stand the silence anymore.

"I don't think you would have reacted this way if I were not vampire, Sookie. Quite frankly, I think you over reacted to a suggestive compliment. I meant nothing more than what I said, I find you to be sexually irresistible tonight. I refuse to apologize for expressing it, simply because I am a vampire now."

Flummoxed, believe it or not it's a word, and it described how I felt perfectly, in that moment. Could he have a point? It was true that in the past such suggestions from him would have been handled with a swift punch to the arm and a giggle from me, but the difference in my reaction had nothing to do with him being a vampire. It was wholly inappropriate to treat me like that under the circumstances, especially at Fangtasia, right?

We sat in silence while I mulled over the situation. Had I over reacted? '_Only you can get me this hard'._ In a weird way it was sweet, if he had said that before I would have grabbed him and made for home. Why did it feel different now? Was it because of my anger at the role I was required to play? Was it the idea that a vampire could have seen or heard us? Or was it because Eric is a vampire now?

The idea that I was treating Eric different because he had changed was a shock to me. I really thought I had accepted him as he was but maybe I hadn't. Other than the protocol stuff, Eric was treating me like he always had. I was the one treating him differently. I'd jumped to the worst possible conclusion, that he was mocking me at having to play pet. I was not acting like Sookie Northman, confident and independent woman, I was acting like Sookie Northman, confused and frightened child.

Even if Eric was only making a suggestive compliment, the idea that he had done it here still seemed wrong to me.

"I'm sorry for my reaction, but I still feel like this is the wrong place to say… that. I guess I worry about our present company and their reactions. I feel safe with you, but not this situation." I said.

I gave Eric a tender smile, hoping he could tell I was sincere. He visibly relaxed and returned the smile. I began to lean into his arm but I stopped myself, I wasn't sure if the gesture was allowed.

"May I?" I asked, giving Eric my puppy dog eyes.

"Of course you may." Eric said.

I leaned into Eric and I felt some of the tension release from my body. I knew the conversation wasn't over but at least we could put it behind up for the time being. Eric put his arm around me and placed his chin on my head as he had done so many times in our past.

"It's going to take time for me to get used to this, I think." I whispered.

Eric motioned to a perky blonde waitress, she skipped over wearing big smile and big plastic boobs.

"TruBlood O positive, Master Eric?" She asked, sounding too familiar with Eric for my comfort.

"Not tonight, Ginger. I'll have an AB positive. Sookie what would you like?" He asked.

I couldn't speak. Eric had ordered TruBlood in my blood type. I know I should have been creeped out by that. But I wasn't, in fact, I had to resist saying 'Awww, that's so sweet!" and hugging Eric in front of everyone. I wasn't sure I wanted him to drink my blood but for some weird reason him drinking my blood _type _was endearing.

Ginger looked at me expectantly, with a sweet smile on her face. She seemed pretty friendly, I felt a little bad for not liking her on sight.

"What can I get ya, hon?" She asked with a sweet southern twang.

"I'll have a Gin and Tonic, please. Thanks, Ginger." I smiled, putting my insecurities away for the moment.

"Sure thing!" Ginger, replied. She really did seem nice. Maybe she could be some sort of friend to me, or at least a friendly acquaintance, if I decided to spend any time at Fangtasia in the future.

"You are wonderful." Eric cooed into my ear.

"You ordered my blood type, Eric." I blurted out.

I don't know exactly why I mentioned it to him. It wasn't a big deal or anything, I mean I certainly wasn't mad about it.

Ginger returned with our drinks at that moment so Eric didn't respond to my declaration until after she deposited our drinks and left. I gave her a smile and she returned it with a warm, genuine smile of her own.

Eric spoke as soon as she was out of earshot.

"Dear one, this is the first AB positive blood I have tasted since my turning. I did not want to be reminded when the real thing was beyond my grasp. I hope you aren't offended." He said.

His answer stunned me, elated me, and excited me, and broke my heart for him. He had missed me as much as I had missed him. I'd done the same thing of sorts, avoiding our favorite restaurants and ordering white wine instead of our favorite red. It had hurt too much to be reminded of him in those ways. To know he had suffered as I had, hurt me but comforted me at the same time. We may have been apart physically but we had suffered together emotionally. I wished we hadn't suffered at all, but like I said, this new knowledge was a small comfort.

"I'm not offended. I did the same thing, in a way, I couldn't even look at a glass of merlot without breaking into tears." I smiled weakly.

Little things had hurt so badly for so long. Was it too much to hope that maybe things would be better, maybe we could pull through?

"So many tears for me Sookie, I don't want to ever cause you to cry again." He said, running a finger across my jawbone. I felt the familiar pull in my abdomen.

He hadn't intended to turn me on with his touch, but he had all the same. I didn't want my scent to make its way to any horny vampires so I made a conscious effort to calm down.

Eric's nostrils flared and he inhaled taking in the scent of my arousal.

"Oops, sorry, Eric." I said shyly, crossing my legs.

"Don't ever apologize for your delicious scent or for your desire for me, Sookie. It was my fault for being irresistible." He smirked.

"Still cocky, I see." I jabbed, raising a questioning eyebrow.

"Not really, I only feel like being irresistible to you." He smiled.

What he said was sweet but I read more into it then he probably intended. It had been just under two years since we had made love, I'd remained celibate, but I had a feeling he had not. Especially seeing the lustful looks in the eyes of the women in the room, though I admit, he didn't seem to notice.

The thought that he had been with anyone but me made me seethe. It was one of the things I intended to ask him about later that night. As hard as it was to refrain from bringing it up at the moment I did, the Fangtasia grand opening was not the time or place for that conversation.

My body language must have changed because I think he could sense my growing anxiety.

"We're being tested, Sookie. Our love is being tested, but I think we'll pass with flying colors." He whispered into my ear.

I looked up into his beautiful blues, "You think?" I said. I hoped beyond hope he was right.

"We're Northman, we never fail." He boasted, puffing up his chest in an overly dramatic fashion.

He looked ridiculous and my anxiety waned a bit. I took the opportunity he'd given me to tease him.

"Tell that to Mrs. Crane!" I teased, giving Eric a quick jab with my elbow.

"Shh! Sookie, no one can know I flunked 7th grade Life Science! What would everyone say?" He laughed.

"Maybe if you had paid more attention to what she was saying and less attention to her boobs you would have passed."

"No one should have allowed her to teach boys in the midst of puberty."

We laughed together for a bit, recalling some of the fun times we'd had growing up together. It felt good to tease and talk like we used to. That moment, laughing in the booth that night at Fangtasia felt right. Eric still felt like home to me.

Unfortunately, I realized something else while sitting in our quiet little booth in the corner, talking freely with Eric, laughing, and smiling into his eyes. We weren't following the rules. We were in public and acting like a regular couple, in front of vampires. On one hand I enjoyed Eric being so free and easy with me in front of everyone, on the other however, I realized that we were risking 'outing' our relationship. Pam said enough the night before for me to know that was a very bad thing. My good mood bubble burst and I involuntarily moved away from Eric just a smidge. Eric noticed and asked me what was wrong.

"We aren't playing by the rules." I said, bummed at myself for ending the wonderful interaction between us.

"No, I suppose you're right. We should probably straighten up." Eric winked and kissed the top of my head.

As he did so I looked up to see a young man nearing our booth. He looked underage to be at a bar. There was no way he was over 16 or 17 years old. I thought it was funny that the doorman (doorvampire?) couldn't tell when someone was using a face I.D. Fangtasia wouldn't be open for long if they continued to make that mistake.

The young man interrupted my musings by speaking to Eric. Eric bristled slightly indicating to me that I was in the presence of a vampire. I straightened up next to Eric and put my game face on. I didn't know where to look so I studied the ice melting in my empty Gin and Tonic. Pam hadn't said anything about eavesdropping on vampires and until she did I figured if they felt they could speak in front of me than anything they had to say was okay for me to hear.

From the intensity of the teenager I could tell he was very mean, or important, or both. Who would turn a teenager into a vampire? Teenagers are hateful, awful creatures, blood thirsty in their own right. Turning one seemed like asking for trouble. I wondered if he was another one of Pam's children, but I dismissed the idea. She turned Eric, so it was obvious she had better sense than to turn a teen.

The two vampires were talking about the club and the success of the opening. I wasn't very interested in their conversation until I heard the teen ask Eric a question about me. Every hair on my body stood on end. What's the saying about that sensation? Oh, yeah, it felt like someone had walked over my grave.

"Are you quite attached to your pet Eric? She smells quite delicious." The young vampire asked.

"She is mine, André. I don't share." Eric replied, the tenor of his voice giving his anger away.

"I am disappointed to hear that, Eric. I believe Sophie-Anne would be disappointed to hear you say that as well." André said.

Who was Sophie-Anne, and why would André mention her like that? It sounded like a warning to Eric of some kind. Actually it sounded like a teen threatening to tell on someone. I added André to my list of 'Vampires I hate that scare the shit out of me.' I added the mysterious Sophie-Anne to the list also, just because I didn't like the way André mentioned her name.

I heard a familiar female making every muscle in my body tighten. The ice in my glass had melted enough for it to shift and the sound made me jump. My nerves were frayed to say the least.

"Sophie-Anne is not here, André. Besides, I highly doubt she would care about your request to taste Eric's human. Honestly, your jealousy of my child has grown tiresome to me. Run along." Pam said to André.

"You think you know of Sophie-Anne's desires, Pamela? She no longer favors you or your company. I believe it is you that has grown jealous." André snipped, before turning and leaving.

Whoa, that was crazy in a very soap opera kind of way. I had a feeling I'd heard too much for Pam's comfort and she'd be angry. She surprised me laughing and joining us in our booth. I continued the examination of my glass. I wasn't sure what I could or should do.

I felt weird, like a voyeur, or peeping Tom, even if I wasn't allowed to actually peep. I was there with them but I wasn't there at the same time. Being honest with myself I preferred it. I would not have liked being involved in the conversation in any capacity. I could almost see the benefit to being the human in the background.

"He is such a weasel, a true twat if I ever knew one." Pam stated with mirth.

Apparently, arguments made Pam happy. Her statement was funny. I would have laughed with her if I didn't think I would have gotten in trouble.

"Sookie, you can relax and look at me, just don't wide-eye me or anything like that and I think we'll be okay." Pam chuckled.

Eric put his arm around me and pulled me into his side with a slight squeeze.

"I can do that." I said, sensing that Pam was in a pretty good mood.

Taking her advice, I relaxed my body into Eric's feeling his coolness through his clothes. I took a deep breath to get a dose of his familiar scent and sighed. I probably looked like a dope.

Eric remained silent but he no longer seemed agitated, actually he seemed quite happy. He was doing a pretty good job at keeping me relaxed and happy too by rubbing his hand up and down my arm.

"André is here from New Orleans, acting as sort of an ambassador from the city. He will not be here on any regular basis, I assure you." Pam said, rolling her eyes. "I could sense your fear Sookie, no one will touch you here. I have tasked myself with assuring your safety so you are under my protection as well as Eric's. I have placed Jason under our protection as well. I want you to feel…comfortable anytime you find yourself here. Of course our protection extends outside of the walls of Fangtasia, also."

Her statement raised concerns. Was I going to need protection outside of Fangtasia? That was in unsettling thought.

"Thank you, Pam. I appreciate it. I really don't want to be on tap." I joked, trying to hide my apprehension.

Eric and Pam both found my answer amusing.

"Eric, I find your description of Sookie to be quite truthful. I feared you may have missed her so much you had forgotten her true personality but I find her delightful, if not a bit quirky."

"Thank you. I agree, Sookie is truly delightful." Eric beamed.

I felt the familiar blush of embarrassment. Thank goodness it wasn't lust induced. I would have been mortified giving off any more 'amorous scents'.

"Eric you have an hour until you are on vermin duty. Don't be late." Pam said as she slid out of the booth.

"Vermin duty?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

Eric made a face. He looked irritated? Embarrassed? I settled on a little bit of both.

"Part of the job, I'm afraid. The vampire theme dictates that the vampires have to seem attainable. Any that work here are required to sit on display for part of the evening. Let me say first and foremost, I hate the idea. Anyway, Pam calls it enthralling the vermin, nice, huh? Believe it or not Pam will be taking her turn on display as well. But I can't imagine that going well. She really doesn't like humans. Well, except for you." He said, smiling and giving me a quick peck on the cheek.

That was a lot of information. Eric was going to have to be on display and seem attainable? I didn't like that at all. What if someone touched him? I didn't think I could handle that at all.

That wasn't the biggest bombshell he'd dropped, however. He'd said that Pam liked me. Could he be right? I highly doubted it. She tolerated me at the most, I was sure. Even if she did like me I wasn't ready to like her. I was still struggling with the fact that my hatred of her was lessening. She had her moments, but there was no like on my side at all. I didn't think there ever would be. To me, she would always be the vampire that murdered my husband, plain and simple.

I ignored his comment about Pam when I replied.

"Oh, I don't like that idea. I don't want anyone to think you are attainable." I scowled.

Eric placed his big hands on either side of my face and used his thumbs to smooth out my furrowed eyebrows.

"I am not attainable, it is an illusion only. I assure you. But don't be surprised if you see some of the patrons throwing themselves at the vampires. Some of these people really, really like the idea of bedding a vampire."

I could picture it perfectly in my mind, slutty Goth girls crawling on the floor towards Eric.

"I don't know how I could ever get used to that. Can you just be a stay-at-home vampire for me?" I asked.

I may have been attempting a joke but my voice cracked and betrayed how close I was to crying. My thoughts kept bouncing back and forth, from acceptance of the situation to refusal to play the game, I felt like a human ping-pong ball. I'm sure going from such high highs to low lows wasn't good on the psyche.

Eric took my hand under the table and began rubbing little circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. I felt better, I really did, but it wasn't enough. I really wanted to leave Fangtasia.

"Can we leave right after?" I asked in a hushed voice.

"I really need to be here until close. I promise I will do nothing to disrespect you but I understand if you need to leave, if you don't want to watch.." Eric said, but his eyes expressed his desire for me to stay.

"No, I want to stay with you. It's just hard… you know?" I said with a sigh.

"Yes, I do. You know we could have Jason sit with us a bit before and he can keep you company during. I know he wants to come over here, he keeps looking but he doesn't want to interrupt. He knows you wanted some time alone with me"

Sure enough, I looked around for Jason and found him talking to an attractive woman of Indian descent. He seemed to be enjoying himself but I could clearly see him looking over to me and Eric every few seconds.

"I think that may help with my nerves. Are you sure it's alright?" I asked, relief in my voice.

"Of course, although he is perfectly safe with Indira, she's keeping an eye on him for Pam. She was worried he would try to pick up the wrong vampire and bite off more than he could chew, so to speak." Eric laughed, enjoying his pun.

I stared at Eric in disbelief. Jason would never try to pick up a vampire! That was crazy.

"That's ridiculous Eric, Jason would never…" I started to protest.

"I wouldn't be so sure, Sookie. He's already asked me if I knew any hot, cold chicks."

"You're joking." I said, aghast.

"He asked me to be his wing-vampire since I couldn't be his wing-man anymore."

I knew Eric was telling the truth because that is exactly something my poon-hound brother would say. It seemed Jason was handling this whole thing a lot better than I was. I was happily jealous of him if such an emotion existed. It looked like the 'bromance' was back on full-swing, too. And judging from the expression on Eric's face, he couldn't have been more pleased.

Eric called Ginger to the booth, after another pleasant interaction with the waitress, she left with an order for another blood (AB positive, of course) and Gin and Tonic for me. She was also asked to send Jason over. I watched as she passed the message along to Jason. He gave her a smile and as she walked away he gave her ass a good long look. _Horn dog._ He wagged his eyebrows at us. I heard Eric chuckle quietly, if I hadn't been right next to him I wouldn't have noticed.

Jason sprawled himself out in the seat across from me and Eric.

"Hey, Broth…um, Eric. How are things?" Jason asked looking back and forth between the two of us.

Jason had almost called Eric brother, as he always had in the past. He caught himself and didn't seem too upset at not being able to use the term. He really was handling this whole thing well.

"Things are nice, Jason. How do you like Fangtasia so far?" Eric said formally.

Eric was being too formal with Jason for my tastes. I assumed he'd gone into full vampire mode. He'd been so relaxed around me before. Now he was stiff and rigid. I hoped he didn't hurt Jason's feelings acting that way.

"I like it. Indira is pretty cool. Not really my type, you know me. I like my ladies a bit trashy myself. She's too nice." Jason said.

Jason didn't like Indira, the _vampire_, because she was too nice or not trashy enough. Jeez Louise, my brother was a freak. He didn't seem put-out at all about the way Eric was speaking to him, so I figured he'd been informed by him earlier how things would be.

"Would you sit with your sister while I do my time on display. She would like the company." Eric asked.

He was being so weird, so different from himself that he had me second guessing if he wasn't actually as cold as he seemed right them. I told myself that it was just an act, but believe me, his performance was Oscar worthy.

"Sure can." Jason answered, giving me a small smile and nod.

The three of us sat and shared in polite conversation. Most of the talking was done between Jason and me while Eric watched and listened. He allowed Jason to ask him a few silly questions about his fangs and what not. Jason was in awe of the changes that had taken place in Eric. I was still on the fence with that one.

Eventually Jason asked a question that I was actually interested in the answer to.

"Do you like that stuff, Eric?" Jason asked, pointing to the bottle of TruBlood.

"Not usually, usually it is pretty disgusting. But tonight I tried a new flavor type and it is actually very good. I'm looking forward to trying it again." Eric said.

He'd answered the question innocently enough to Jason but I knew exactly what he was getting at. And the thought of what he was implying… aroused me. Damn him. I pinched his elbow. Eric leaned right into me, kissed my temple and whispered in my ear.

"Oops, sorry."

With that, Eric slipped out of the booth stating he needed to take care of some papers in his office before he had to do his time in the chair of enthrallment.

Jason and I continued our conversation unbothered by vampires and humans both. I was relieved, I didn't know how I would handle a conversation at that time without Eric or Pam there with me. Ginger came by to see if we needed anything. Jason flirted and Ginger ate it up hook, line and sinker. He'd ordered a coke and her phone number. I ordered a ginger ale since I was done with liquor for the night. I'd already had two and Jason was sitting with me. It wouldn't be nice to drink something he was abstaining from.

Ginger returned with our drinks and her number on a cocktail napkin. Jason placed it by his heart before tucking it into a pocket causing Ginger to swoon before giggling off to one of her other tables.

"Even sober I still got it, Sook." He said.

"Yes you do, Jase. Yes you do."

Jason leaned towards me to say something quietly so I leaned over a bit to meet him part way.

"Eric said you might be staying with him tonight."

"I am." I said.

The night had gone pretty well, all things considered, and I was actually feeling pretty good about going home with Eric.

Jason took on an evil grin. I knew that look well, it was his tease face.

"So, I guess you still got it, too." He said, waggling his eyebrow like the doofus he was.

"Can it, Jase. I am not going to talk to you about that." I said, exasperated.

Why do brothers have to tease so relentlessly?

"Bow-chick-a-wow-wow." Jason sang.

I was about to let him have it when Pam interrupted.

"Really, Jason. What are you, five?" Pam asked.

I snorted, I had thought the exact same thing days before.

"Sorry, ma'am." Jason said, looking properly chastised.

I started looking around for the cameras because surely, I was on candid camera. Or had I fallen into the Twilight Zone? Either way seeing the interaction between Jason and Pam was very odd.

"Sookie, I am going to keep you company while Eric does floor duty. I don't want to have to buy new furniture if you decide to break something over some fangbangers head." Pam said in her normal bored tone.

"Fangbanger?"

"Yes, unfortunate humans who live to fuck vampires and provide an easy meal."

"Oh? Eww, that's just gross." I said.

It was gross, who would think that way? It seemed like a dangerous lifestyle.

"It is, isn't it? It's been less than a week since we've 'come out' so to speak, and they've been throwing themselves at our kind. It's quite unbecoming. They have very little self respect to give themselves so willingly to something that could kill them so easily."

"I agree." I said.

Jason just sat there across from us with his mouth open, catching flies.

"Close your mouth, you look foolish." Pam said, scolding Jason again.

He did as he was told but with a smirk.

The three of us; the pet, the dork, and the scary vamp mamma, sat together watching the action around Eric. It was almost instantaneous, as soon as he sat down the women (and quite a few men) started making their way over to him. Pam had been right because a few of the actually threw themselves at Eric's feet. He just ignored them. I was mad and jealous at what they were doing but part of me felt bad for them too. They really were pathetic.

I caught Eric looking at me once and I held his gaze for a few seconds. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Pam shake her head slightly and Eric looked away. It irritated me.

"Sorry, he is supposed to be enthralling vermin, not you. You are enthralled enough already." Pam said.

I harrumphed under my breath but she caught it. She answered my reaction with a small movement in the corner of her mouth. My pouty attitude had garnered me another 'maybe smile' from Pam.

Before long Eric rose from the chair and made his way back to us through the parting crowd. Yet again, I was surprised to find the reality of the situation wasn't nearly as bad as my imagination. There was no threat to me in the crowd of fangbangers. More than anything, I pitied them.

Eric joined us and Pam surprised us all by announcing that Eric was free to go for the night. He thanked Pam and made sure Jason would be alright on his own before he practically flew us out the door to his car, a Corvette. When the hell had he gotten the money for that?

Eric opened the passenger door for me. I climbed in and buckled my seat, though I'm not sure how I managed as my hands were shaking like leaves. Eric and I were heading to his house to talk about his life over the last two years.

I was starting to wonder if I really wanted to know.

* * *

Well, how was it? Not too degrading, I hope... Sookie is a trooper, and handled the evening really well, I think. I wonder how she'll handle the upcoming talk at his home? Hmm...

Chapter 10 will be out next week, as I am in the middle of it now and will be away from a computer until late Sunday. Sorry, but I can't pass up a swim weekend with the kiddo!


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris**

**A/N: **Thank you to my beta Northwoman and my pre-reader Mazza666, this was a hard chapter for me to write and for them to help with but I am so glad they did

* * *

Being a vampire with a corvette didn't help Eric's little problem he'd had with speeding one bit. It had always bothered me before. Our insurance had been sky-high because of the points he'd racked up on his license.

"You still have a 'need for speed', I see." I told him, hoping he'd slow down.

Eric laughed at my remark. I guess he hadn't taken the hint.

"Slow down, you're going to get a ticket." I urged.

"Won't happen." He smirked.

"Oh? Why not?"

"If I get pulled over, I'll just glamour my way out of the ticket."

I was shocked. That was just wrong. I wouldn't have thought Eric would take advantage of his little mind trick like that. It seemed like a violation to me.

"Eric! That's horrible. You can't just mess with people's minds like that because you want to drive fast. I can't believe you'd do that. That's not like you at all." I scolded.

"Yes, it is like me to do that. It is like all vampires to do that, Sookie. We're not angels. And besides, I've seen you use your _talents _to get out of a ticket before." He replied, irritated.

"That's not fair! I can't help it if that creep liked what he saw. I was wearing that low cut top for you, if you'll recall. Besides, getting off with a warning because I have big boobs is very different from getting out of a ticket by altering a person's mind." I said, incredulously.

"Glamour doesn't cause pain or permanent damage, Sookie." He said.

"It's still wrong, Eric. How would you like it if one of your vampire friends… or worse, André, tried to glamour me? Would that be okay?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

Eric's reaction came as no surprise. His hands tightened on the wheel and he clinched his jaw, I could see the muscles of his face spasm and twitch. He let a low growl escape before he replied.

"I would never allow it, ever." He hissed.

"But you said it didn't hurt." I said, letting his own words make my point.

He growled again before slowing the car down, not all the way to the actual speed limit but much better than before.

"You've always been a good influence on me, Sookie. I appreciate it. However, there are things I have done, and will continue to do because I am vampire, that you will not understand. Some of these things may seem wrong by human standards." Eric said.

I had nothing to say to his declaration so I watched the scenery as it passed my window. Everything was flying by so fast it made me dizzy. It was the perfect metaphor for my life at that moment.

We pulled into a quiet neighborhood. The homes were nice but not over the top, I guess I would describe it as upper middle class. It was an older area and the houses were surrounded by trees, giving each house privacy and shade. It was exactly the kind of neighborhood I always pictured Eric and I would settle into after school. I felt a pang of jealousy.

He pulled into the drive of a pretty red brick two story home. The porch held two white columns and the windows had black shutters. He pulled up to the garage and pushed a button on his dash to open the large white doors. Eric cut the ignition and faster than I could see he had my door opened.

He picked me up bridal style and headed for the door to the interior of the house. I wanted to enjoy the moment but for some reason it felt wrong. I'd been fighting a feeling of doubt since Eric explained himself in the car earlier and we needed to talk before I let Eric sweep me off my feet both literally and figuratively.

"Let me down, Eric." I said, placing a hand on his chest.

"I'm carrying my secret wife over the threshold, Sookie. I'm being very romantic." He answered.

I wanted to let him continue, I really did. Every impulse I had wanted to be carried through the door and straight into his bed, but it would have been wrong.

"Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself?" I said.

He reluctantly stopped and put me down, his face a mask of hurt and rejection.

"What are you trying to say?" He asked.

"I'm saying we need to talk first. Remember, I need to know what I'm getting into here. I want you, I do. I want to say that I don't care about the last two years but it would be a lie. If we don't talk about this now, I won't be able to move forward."

Eric ran his fingers through his hair, "You're right. I just… I want you, Sookie. But you're absolutely right, we need to talk."

He opened the door to the house that led to a mud room. He took his shoes off so I followed suit. He took my hand and pulled me into the kitchen. He went to the fridge and retrieved a TruBlood for himself and bottled water for me. He placed the blood in the microwave to heat it. I hadn't realized TruBloods needed to be heated. I guess it made sense, after all blood from the source is 98 degrees.

I thanked him for the water and watched him gulp down the blood. He grimaced like a child eating broccoli. I laughed at his expression.

"That bad, huh?" I asked.

"Horrible." He answered.

"Your house is really nice." I said, trying to get the show on the road.

"Would you like a tour?"

I nodded and Eric showed his home to me. It looked recently updated. The kitchen was a cook's dream but it was sparse since vampires don't necessarily need any of the small appliances that a human would. I noticed there was no coffee maker. I wondered how I would be able to handle a good mood in the morning without a cup of Joe.

The living room was large and tastefully decorated with plush leather furniture and thick rugs. It looked really comfortable and homey. Eric showed me where the bathroom was in case I needed it, before he pulled me down a hall towards the bedrooms. There were three on the main level and each one had a private bath. They were nice but a little cold feeling. The furnishings and linens reminded me of a hotel.

The upstairs bedrooms had been repurposed, one as a library and the other as an office. I noticed the office had two desks and it dawned on me that Pam probably lived there as well. My jealousy skyrocketed.

"Do you live here with Pam?" I asked, my voice a bit too shrill.

"No. Pam owns many homes, this is the one I chose to stay at but she rarely stays here with me."

"Why would she need to stay here?" I asked, my voice accusatory in tone.

"Not the reasons you're thinking, I assure you." He answered, smiling at me reassuringly.

He continued. "I told you already, I do not have a sexual relationship with Pam. She likes women. If she stays here, it is because it has grown too close to dawn for her to leave safely."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh." He smirked.

I stood there looking at him, admiring his smirk. My mind wandered to the thought of sex again and it occurred to me he'd neglected to show me where he slept during the day. All the rooms we'd seen had windows. I didn't think he could stay in a room with windows during daylight hours.

"Where is your bedroom?" I blurted.

His smirk grew in wickedness. "I thought you wanted to talk first, dear one."

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Mr. Northman. I just wondered since all the rooms you've shown me have windows."

"I have quarters under the house where I stay during the day." He said

I expected him to offer to show me his day 'quarters' as he'd called them, but he didn't. I instantly wondered why. Was he hiding something from me? I didn't like the idea of him keeping secrets from me.

"I'm getting nervous, Eric. Can we get started?" I asked, wringing my hands.

"If you're ready, let's go. Living room?"

I nodded.

Eric led me back to the living room and gestured to the sofa. I sat down and sank, and sank, and sank, into the nice buttery-soft leather. His couch totally trumped mine. Eric sat next to me and stretched his long legs in front of him. He looked big on the couch but a least he didn't dwarf it. My heart fluttered a bit at the idea of this being the first of many nights I would be spending with him. I shook off the thought since it wasn't the time to get my hopes up. I started to shake from nerves. This was our turning point; this conversation would either make us or break us.

I really didn't know how to start a conversation like this. I didn't want it to seem like I was interrogating him, but in a way that is exactly what I wanted and needed to do. He'd been gone for almost two years and I needed to know what he had done during that time. I had to know all of it; the good, the bad, and the ugly.

"I don't know where to begin. I never imagined in a million years I would be near you again. I'm excited by the idea of being with you, but I am scared of who you may have become. Just don't lie to me Eric. The questions I have, you have to answer them truthfully. The only way I can know what to do is if I have all the information. Do you understand?" I asked, my voice faltering. I was already close to crying.

"You are going to hate me, Sookie." He said, looking despondent.

"I don't think that's possible, Eric." I smiled, trying to reassure Eric, or possibly myself.

"I think it would be best if I filled you in on some things first. Then after, I guess you can ask questions?"

"Sounds like a plan." I said, taking a deep breath and letting it out in a rush.

"First, what I am going to tell you can't leave this room, even if you leave hating me. I'm telling you because I trust you, Sookie." He said. I nodded as he continued. "Pam is an important vampire. She is the authority in this part of Louisiana."

I can't say that I was surprised to hear that information, she exuded power and she was the one that had appeared on television the night of the reveal.

Eric continued. "Louisiana is divided into territories, or areas. Northern Louisiana, including Shreveport and Bon Temps is Area 5. Pam runs Area 5 for the ruler of the state. Our state is run by a Queen named Sophie-Anne."

Eric didn't have a chance to continue because I had interrupted him, with my laughter. I was laughing so hard that I snorted, which only made me laugh harder. It took a while for me to settle down and catch my breath.

Eric was not pleased with my outburst. His face was stern. He was trying to be serious, but the look on his face only made the giggles start again. He stood up and headed out of the room.

"Wait! Wait, I'm sorry! Eric, come back. I promise I won't laugh anymore." I said, schooling my features and trying to look serious.

He returned to his seat. "It's not a game, Sookie."

"I know. It's just… a Queen? Really, Eric? You can't see how that's a little bit funny."

"If you have that reaction over the Queen, there is no way I'm telling you Pam's title." Eric said, smiling again.

"Is she a princess?"

It was Eric's turn to find humor in what I had said. He roared with laughter at me calling Pam a princess.

Still laughing, Eric answered my question. "In everyway she is a princess, I assure you. But no, her title is sheriff."

"Pam's the Sheriff of Area 5?" I snickered.

"Yes, she is."

"And are you her deputy?" I asked, the snickers and giggles threatening to erupt into full blown laughter again.

Eric's demeanor changed and his eyes grew pensive. How could I have been so stupid? There I was making jokes about what he did for Pam when I'd already been told, by Sam, that Eric was some sort of assassin.

"I am her lieutenant, her second in command."

"What do you do as her second?" I asked, bracing myself for the answer.

"Whatever I have to do to keep our area safe." He answered cryptically.

"Sam says you've killed before. He says you do all of Pam's dirty work, is that true?" I asked before I could think.

I could see the rage form in Eric. He rose to his feet in a flash and somehow he seemed even taller to me. His fangs had come down and he looked positively murderous. He began pacing in front of the couch. When he spoke, it came out as a barely controlled growl.

"What did the shifter tell you?" He asked through his teeth.

I pulled my knees up to my chest, seeing Eric so angry was hard for me to fathom but there he was; boiling, raging, and it scared me.

"Nothing specific, just that you were a killer. I didn't believe him, so he said you killed a shifter he knew. That's all, Eric. Please don't be mad at me." I said, my voice barely a whisper as I finished.

Eric's eyes changed from anger to remorse in an instant. He stopped pacing and lowered himself onto the floor in front of me. He gently pulled my knees away from my chest. He didn't move from his place in front of me so I was forced to put one leg on either side of his body. He reached for my face and stroked my cheek as he spoke.

"I am so sorry, Sookie. I shouldn't have let my anger control me like that. What you said made me furious, but with Sam, not you. Not even for one second did I feel anger towards you. And even if I had, I would not hurt you, physically or emotionally. Believe me when I say I would rather die the final death, than hurt you."

Eric had scared me, and he was right, he shouldn't have let his temper get the best of him. I wasn't going to be able to forgive him and move on just like that. Sometimes, I'm sorry just isn't enough.

"Eric, would I have let you get away with acting like that when you were human?"

"No." He said, defeated.

"So being a vampire gives you carte blanche to act like some sort of meathead on a steroid bender?"

"No, definitely not, vampires are expected to control their emotions. The way I acted Sookie, it was stupid and impulsive. What you saw, I haven't done that in a long time." He answered.

"What made you go off like that Eric? Was what Sam said true?"

Eric surprised me by laying his head on my lap. I wanted to urge him to answer me, but I felt he needed the time to control himself or gather his thoughts. I stroked his hair while he lay there.

After a few minutes he returned to his original spot on the couch. He looked more relaxed but there was an obvious look of trepidation on his face. He knew he had to tell the truth but he didn't want to.

"Yes, what he said was true. The shifter was a threat to Pam and the vampires of her area and he was killed by my hand. I can't go into details. This is one of the instances where you'll have to place your faith in me that I did what I had to do.."

"Have there been others?"

"A few. Sookie, I don't know what you want to hear."

"The truth, I want to hear the truth from you."

"Vampires are devious by nature, they are always scheming for power and wealth. When someone becomes a threat to Pam or our area I take care of it. She trusts me like no other because I am bound to her as her child.

"If you are asking me if I enjoy what I do, I will tell you that yes, as a vampire and a predator I enjoy the chase, the fight, and the victory. But there is a part of me that despises what I have become, how could I not, especially when I see the look in your eyes right now.

"I never asked for this Sookie, but it happened. I never imagined I would talk with you again, or touch you again, yet here we are. But the fact is I am a vampire, and that means a lot of things I know you will disapprove of. Is that fair? No, it's not, just like it isn't fair for you to judge me as you would a human.

"Everything about this situation screams we should not be together. But I can't accept that. I know there has to be a way for us to make this work. I am determined to do whatever I have to, within my power, but I am vampire. I kill and I drink blood and no matter how much you may hate it, you can't change me. You can't love the vampire out of me."

I was crying in earnest at that point. The tears were flowing freely but silently down my cheeks. Eric was a vampire, and it wasn't romantic like the movies. It was cold and blood thirsty and animalistic. That alone should have given me enough reason to leave and never return.

But I couldn't, because as a human he had been perfect in every way possible and becoming a vampire hadn't removed any of the traits I'd loved about him. All the reasons I had fallen in love with Eric were still there; only they were twisted and snarled together with his new nature.

Since I wasn't prepared to leave, I asked another question.

"Why did you open a business with Pam? That was our dream." I asked rather bluntly, there would be no sugar coating the situation.

"We needed a base for Area 5 operations. Revealing our existence to humans made it necessary to have a place for interactions between vampires that didn't raise suspicions. Fangtasia is the perfect cover. It is also a way to facilitate meetings between humans and vampires for blood donations and sexual encounters.

"Sookie, I didn't open the bar to hurt you and neither did Pam. It was necessary. I hope you understand. Besides, there is no reason we can't open our own business someday." He said.

_Only if I stay. _I thought. Since Eric had inadvertently brought it up I decided to ask the one question I had been dreading the answer to the most.

"Have you been faithful to me?" I asked, my eyes begging for his answer to be yes.

"Vampires become aroused when they feed. It is instinctual. The younger the vampire, the harder it is to control the impulse." He answered, his eyes brimming with red.

I was grief-stricken. I'd spent the last two years mourning in a cold empty bed, while he had sex with god know who. His answer told me all I needed to know, but I wanted to know more. I couldn't tell you why I had to have details, but I did. I'm sure a psychiatrist would have a field day figuring out why I insisted on rubbing salt into the already painful wound.

"That's not what I asked you, Eric. Tell me, it's the least you can do." I sniffled, the crying from before relenting as I became more numb.

"Yes, I have. Sookie, you have to understand. Sex for a vampire is not like sex for humans, there is no emotion involved. When I eat, I get aroused, I can't control it. I did fuck women I fed from, but never more than once, and they were all glamoured to forget.

"I didn't want a replacement relationship or a companion. I only wanted you, only ever you. You have to believe me."

"How many?" I asked, my voice steady and cold.

"I don't honestly know, Sookie. It didn't happen each time I fed but in the beginning it happened a lot. I don't know if it matters to you, but since I found out I could see you, I have abstained. And if you can forgive me and be with me, I promise I can and will be faithful." He said sincerely.

I was acutely aware that up to that point I was too calm. So I wasn't surprised when I felt the damn break, but the force of the onslaught of feelings scared me. I'd never felt anything like it before. My body began to shake and tremble as the rage formed in the pit of my stomach. It swirled in me, building with the images of Eric fucking whores and sucking blood from their filthy necks.

I flew off the couch on a wave of adrenaline and stood in front of Eric. My fists involuntarily balled so tight I could feel my nails cut into my palms. Eric didn't move.

"That's supposed to make me feel better? Screw you, asshole! I died when you left, my heart broke and my body broke and I never desired anyone else. I could hardly stand for anyone to touch me platonically, let alone sexually. And you think telling me that the whores you fucked didn't mean anything is going to make it all okay? You know what you are? You're weak and pathetic, and your excuses are laughable. You've been doing exactly what you wanted to do all along. I won't let you hide behind your 'vampire nature' excuses anymore. " I yelled, the rage tinting the words with seething hate.

"Sookie I missed you, utterly. I yearned for you everyday. I only slept with women that wouldn't remind me of you because I didn't want to cheapen my memories of you. I never tasted your blood type until tonight for the same reason.

"I swear to you it meant nothing to me. I never lusted after another woman, I only sought the act, the end result, the release.

"If you let me, I will spend the rest of your life proving to you how much I love you and only you. I only desire you in my arms. I will give myself to you completely, don't let this be the end." He pleaded.

Eric looked as broken as I felt, but I had no desire to comfort him. I'd never seen him beg and plead forgiveness before, and seeing him like that was agonizing. But I could not give him anymore of me. I was done.

My initial burst of rage had burned bright but faded just as fast. I was returning to the state of numbness and I actually welcomed it. I didn't want to feel anything, probably ever again. I sat down on the couch with a heavy sigh. I had more I needed to say before I said goodbye.

"I don't know you anymore. Who have you become, Eric? Killing people, fucking random women, glamouring cops for kicks? And the worst part is that you hide your despicable acts behind the ruse of not being able to help yourself, that it's your nature.

"Well, it's not in my nature to play someone's pet, but I did it for you. I've sacrificed my dignity and pride for you. But you've sacrificed nothing to be with me.

"I spent the last two years yearning for only your arms too, Eric. Everyday I felt the ghosts of your fingers touching me, knowing it would never be. But I didn't try to fuck you out of my system, because I loved you.

"You were the one who knew the truth all along. How could you touch another knowing I was so close? How could you?

"No, don't answer that, I don't want anymore excuses. I can't do this, Eric. I can't make all of these sacrifices. I can't loose myself and my dignity to be with you."

I noticed my entire body was trembling. My heart felt like it was literally breaking, the physical pain almost too much to bear. I felt my knees begin to buckle so I sat down. Steeling myself, I took a deep breath and continued.

"Sunday is the 2 year anniversary of the night you were murdered." I choked on the words. "I will spend that day mourning you, and then I'm done. I'll force myself to move on if I have to."

In the next instance I felt his arms go around me as he tried to bury his head in my hair. I pushed him off of me with all of the strength I could muster.

"No! Stay away from me. Don't make this harder than it already is."

"Is there anything I can do to make you reconsider?" He asked, his once bright blue eyes dulled with pain.

I shook my head. I didn't think there was anything that he could possibly do or say. It would take too much on my part to make it work and too little on his. I just wanted to forget the whole thing.

I needed to leave. The more time I spent in Eric's presence the, more it hurt. Knowing I was making the right decision didn't make it easier and each second next to Eric tested my resolve. I had to get out of there.

"Can you call me a cab, Eric?"

"Stay with me, Sookie." He pleaded.

"I can't."

"Then let me take you home."

"Okay."

88888

I woke up the next day unable to open my eyes. I hadn't cried on the drive home but as soon as I stepped into my house the waterworks started. The tears continued at the kitchen table talking with Jason until 6am, and flowed freely until I fell asleep from exhaustion. All the crying had irritated my eyes to the point that I looked like I'd gone a few rounds in a boxing match. They were swollen and sore. My nose was raw from tissues.

I groaned and headed to the bathroom. I ran the bath and got in placing a wet washrag on my eyes and promptly fell asleep. I woke to the sound of Jason banging on the bathroom door.

"Sookie! Open up! Sookie!" Jason shouted, sounding scared.

I heard the door handle jiggle.

"Hold on, hold on! I fell asleep." I called out to him.

"Oh, thank God, Sis, I thought you did something stupid." Jason said from the other side of the door.

I wasn't suicidal but I wasn't quite for living, either. So I understood why Jason had said what he did.

I toweled myself off and put on the sweats and tee-shirt I'd brought in with me. I wouldn't be going anywhere so I didn't care how I looked. I opened the door to find Jason still standing on the other side. He immediately wrapped me in a hug.

"I can't lose you, I love ya, Sis. We'll work through this together, okay?" He said.

Jason pulled away from me while still holding on to my arms. He gave me a good hard look.

"Jesus, Sookie, you look like shit."

"Well, I feel like shit. I'm going back to bed." I grumbled.

I tried to go back to sleep but my mind had other ideas. The night before kept playing in a loop forcing me to analyze what we had said, what we had done. It was the worst kind of self torture.

Eric had asked me once more to change my mind before I exited his car. His words were desperate and heartfelt and I wanted to go with him more than anything. But the voice in the back of my head reminded me of the issues we had, the issues that were entirely too huge to ignore.

In the end, I told him that I didn't hate him, and that I still loved him very much but we could never be. He walked me to the porch and we shared our last kiss and said our final goodbye. Saying goodbye, was beyond a doubt, the hardest thing I had ever forced myself to do.

"_I will love you for eternity, Sookie. My memories of you will greet me at dusk, and lull me into my sleep at dawn. If you ever find it your heart to accept me, I will welcome you with open arms."_

His last words to me wound themselves around my heart and clawed at my willpower. He loved me. That much I knew, but is love enough when so many things are stacked against you?

* * *

_Okay, I KNOW it was bad. All I can say is it isn't over, Sookie just needs time to think. (Don't worry, she won't take too long either!)_

_K  
_

.


End file.
